The Slow Death of an Attached Mind Living in Suffering
Humbly on, just on and going
I have done but we all still do
Once again a following can brew
I never signed up, yet it is destiny
For rain to fall
For men to fall
For fall to fall
Anicca shows her face
Where is the escape?
We have three jewels
We have the four noble
We have the eightfold
To conceptualize is nothing
To realize is to not name

Swallow
With this kick up and down, where do we go to explore?
No more up right doors, outright locked, who are they for?
The language that we speak
Helps no one to learn
Well what words will win, oh to heaven I’ll find
That along the way we’ll all do our time
But to fetch the water with a holy pail
Won’t but make mud for the dirt to swallow

Folly of Men
What does man know of the buffalo’s strength, or the swiftness of the wild mustang?Can he fly like it is his right amongst the geese?No, we haven’t been given that purpose, yet we are deterred from being human.We are blessed with thought, rational and intelligence, But to what avail do we make use of it?Everything bigger and faster, so the ego gets slower and fatter. Do we live for material improvement only, judging others worth by their estate?The folly of man is that he has forgotten himselfWe have geniuses that contemplate the workings of engines,But they know not how they operate or by what means their minds are fueledThey majority have not contemplated the very thing that defines usWhy, just as easily the monkey swings from branch to branch,We should be able to rationalize our suffering and conclude them,It is known that we will all perish, but the time is unknownSo why haven’t the greatest men,The men who are given power from wealth, who invent miraculous products,Why haven’t they found the way in which to avoid suffering.It is not these men who are wise, for they seek the answer on paperAll men must know that what we all search forWas given to us at birth, but slowly buried among the discarded yearsThe human ability to defy ignorance is the purpose in which we must fess up toOne day, one year, one life, means nothing in this evolutionAnd although some strive to ease the pain of others.Ultimately, we must search ourselves for the cure to life

Most people don't know they move their own feet. If you do you might end up going where you want to be...

Read: A comparative study of Buddhism and Christianity by: Fumio Masutani
“The Buddha started on his way when he observed human suffering. On recalling his miserable existence burdened with fourfold bitterness of birth, old age, sickness, and death, he remarked that the pride of his youth instantly vanished and the pleasure of his life totally collapsed. However, Buddha was not a weakling such as succumbs to grief. He could not think of turning his eyes from the bitterness of life to the ephemeral sweetness of futility. He never thought of seeking salvation in a “blind state of self-complacency in ignorance.” He faced human sorrow with unflinching eyes, and endeavored to unravel its mystery with the fortitude of his reasoning power. The conclusion he subsequently reached was very pessimistic: “All is suffering.”Nevertheless, he, instead of escaping from the sorrowful life with eyes shut, tried to pry out the secret of such sorrow with eyes wide open. A way opened itself thereupon. This was the fourfold truth of suffering, its cause, its cessation, and practice.”

Read: The Empty Mirror by: Janwillem van de Wetering
“In India a hermit was meditating on the shore of a river when he was disturbed by a young man. The young man knelt down and said: “Master, I want to become your disciple.” “Why?” asked the master. “Because I want to find God.”The master jumped up, took the young man by the scruff of the neck, dragged him to the river and pushed his head under water. After a minute the master released the young man and pulled him out of the river. The young man spat out some of the water which he got in his mouth and began to cough. After a while he became quite. “What did you want most of all while I kept you under water?” asked the master. “Air,” said the young man. “Very well,” the master said. “Go back to wherever you have come from, and come back to me when you want God as much as you wanted air just now.”

October 2, 2004
The following are Text Messages I recieved on this day:
From: Jhoke
What’s going on? I don’t understand you. What are you doing? What are you trying to tell me? Are you dating Carol? If yes then is this how you’re telling me so? Why did you have to try that hard? Just tell me you’re dating her and I’ll get the fuck out of your life. I felt hurt and humiliated. I thought you liked me from the way you approached me and the way you looked at me. Maybe I’m a fool for feeling that way. But now I feel like you’re a coward for not telling me about Carol, feel like you’re a liar for mentioning her as a friend. I knew about her all along from the start but I hanged in there cos I wasn’t sure about your relationship with her. Now from what I saw today, I think she’s more than a friend. I feel like a third wheel.

From: Jhoke
I’m so jealous because you’re so sweet together. Where should I be? Why do you want to keep me or just because it makes you feel good to have someone being crazy about you? I like you a lot. I even told my friend about you. She asked what if you want to keep both Caroll and me and I said I’ll go with it. But now I’m not so sure because 3 wheels may work but only if all the wheels have honesty with eachother. I like you a lot and I’m seeing anybody else. But I had to leave to for a friend because I can’t seeing you and her that way.

From: Jhoke
Now I don’t know what to do. I wish I can turn cold shoulder, but I don’t wanna do that and I can’t.

To Jhoke: Just woke up. I am sorry that you are hurt but how was I supposed to know, I only see you as a friend because I do not like guys that way, I’m sorry if you thought differently- can we just be friends?

From: JhokeDeal! Feeling much better now. So I’ve been a jerk the whole time. But that’s good to know really. This is very embarrassing. If you tell anyone I’ll fucking kill you!

To Jhoke: Mai ben rai.

Me and Jason talked it over and he is officially crazy. This is me and Jason’s view of the story.
Joke had asked if I wanted to go eat somewhere and I agreed. But I didn’t tell him I was going to bring along Jason and Carol, which since I thought we were just friends then this would be no problem. So we decided to meet somewhere and when we met up he seemed fine with it and he and carol had met before so they talked as me and Jason walked behind them until we got to the restaurant. First off, to inform you me and Carol are just friends and even Jason agreed we were acting just as friends do. But it was obvious that Joke was delirous in his own passions and assumed things that made his feelings worse, I mean I hardly paid attention to Carol that whole night, I sat next to Joke at dinner and Jason sat next to Carol. We were just a group of friends hanging out with no woes whatsoever, or so I thought. There really was no indication that Joke liked me before and I am mad that he would just assume that I knew, I mean how can you assume something like that. We had met when I arrived in Thailand because he worked in the international office and I saw him a lot. He’s a cool Thai guy, and funny and showed me and Jason around our first weeks here. So I kept stopping in to say hi and see if he wanted to get lunch and just normal friendly relationships. He is 25 and had graduated with a computer engineering degree, and speaks perfect English. So we had known each other for a while and although I had heard some vague rumor that he was gay, I really paid no attention to it because people throw gay around so much you don’t know what to make of it. I mean I have met some gay guys in the past and they all are nice but you know that they are gay. Joke on the other hand, as far as I could tell, was far from gay because he randomly made heterosexual references, as most guys do. So I didn’t even slightly suspect it, although I don’t assess the sexual preference of every one I meet. They are what they are, I never would have thought that I had a gay friend they could be attracted me. So that was where my problem started, I suppose. So we are now enjoying the dinner, with all the normal conversation. We finish and try to decide where to go next, it had started raining so walking anywhere was out of the question. I suggested we go to Central, a big shopping mall, and play some video games just to pass the time. They all were ok with that so we took a taxi over there. We got to the games floor and played a few games, got split up and were on our own for a bit. When I found Carol and Jason they said that Joke had left to go see a friend. This seemed a bit odd that he would just leave and not say anything to me, but I didn’t make much of it and shrugged it off. We walked around some more and then decided to go back home because we really had nothing to do. And that was it, that was the extent of the evening. Now how do those messages relate to this, well that’s exactly it. He seems to be living in denial about something and I guess he felt betrayed that I didn’t talk to him more or spend more time with him. He was more than likely jealous that I didn’t come on to him any way. I really don’t know but it was obvious that he had some mental lapse and just wanted to tell me how he felt. So I don’t blame him at all but his messages attacked me personally and there was anger in his tone. This mad me mad a bit, because he never made any reference to liking me and never came on to me as far as I could tell, so he just assumed I knew and if I knew then why was I acting the way I was. That’s what happens when you assume I guess, you make an ASS out of U and ME. After I read the messages I was shocked and flustered, I didn’t know what to think, if he was playing some sick joke or not. But I showed Jason and he said that Moo, one of our friends and Joke’s close friend, told him that Joke was gay and that he liked me. Whoha! Hold on a second, Jason knew and he never hinted to me about it, man did I feel out of the loop. But it really has nothing to do with Jason so he is safe on this one. Now that I look back and try to figure this out, I can see that he did have his ways of showing that he liked me. I mean he always wanted to get lunch or dinner with me, he just wanted to come over to hang out and “see” me, and that one time he took my shoes home instead of his own. So yeah if I look at it as he is gay then yeah it might seem that he liked me, but I just thought he was a friend that wanted to hang out and we got along well. Now I have to face the awkwardness of talking to him like none of this happened. It’s hard but I think we can just be friends, dang what is it with me….

October 9, 2004
I can’t help but feel that sometimes when I go outside into the city of Bangkok that I am not actually outside at all. It is a strange feeling; it is not the normal feeling of open air and trees, the feeling of being outside. There is so much concrete and buildings and overpasses that you feel continually boxed in, not to the point of claustrophobia, but as if I was in a large container. It is like the feeling of walking into a huge cave, where you know you are walled in by rocks, but feel the emptiness of the space as something vast. It is this feeling but in reverse. You are actually outside, no doubt, but the outdoors are nowhere to be seen. You walk down the sidewalk, with roads to the side of you and on top of you, with rare glimpses of the sky. But this still feels as though you are not quite outside. You are in some weird transmission from a smaller building, where the walls are closer to you, to a larger space that can’t really be classified as the outdoors as there are walls still surrounding you. Bangkok has this feeling eighty percent of the time and I sometimes have to travel out of the city to feel like I’m outside. As much as I love nature, I can put up with this feeling, simply because it’s new and interesting. There does come a point where frustration and all the loud noises peak and I must get out of this giant shopping mall, Bangkok.

October 21 – 26
Phuket, an island really down south, is the setting for the largest vegetarian festival in Thailand. It lasts 9 days and started on 13 of October. This, I have to say, is my favorite time. Throughout Thailand as a whole, many places hang up banners and have special dishes just for this time of year, where most Buddhist strictly observe the precepts and eat a vegetarian diet for the 9 days. In Bangkok there are many stalls and street vendors selling special vegetarian foods, and I was excited to try as much as I could while it lasted. The banners are yellow with red writing, this symbolizes that they sell veg food, so this was aim, wherever there were banners I could order anything and not have to worry about what was in it. So Phuket is the place where they have the most interesting spectacles in all of Thailand. I had read that they have parades with men testing and ‘purifying’ themselves by walking over hot coals and piercing their faces with large bamboo poles. Naturally, I couldn’t hold myself back from going to see this festival with my own eyes.Another thing I must tell, Meaghan decided to come and visit me and I said it would be alright, I mean I wanted her too as she wanted to see me too. So it was decided that she would come and spend a few weeks with me during the time of my birthday. So I planned this trip to Phuket as I would have to miss a few days of classes, but it was also during a week where we had a 3 day weekend due to King Rama V’s death anniversary which lies on the same day as my birthday, Oct 23. Meaghan arrived the 16th, the same day that I got back from a art and architecture class trip to several Khmer temples, one being slightly in Cambodia. So I got back at around 9pm and then had to get to the airport at around 11:30 to pick up Meaghan. Ok so she’s here now.We left to go to Phuket at around 7pm on Thursday the 21st, in a ‘VIP’ bus which was pretty nice and we were able to tolerate the long trip of 14 some odd hours. Once we arrived in the area the bus stopped at Surat Thani, a province 4 hours away from the island itself. We got transferred to a ‘minibus’, which was just an uncomfortable van that fit about 10 people plus the driver. So this bus headed towards Phuket and we arrived in the central town of Phuket at about noon on Friday. This place was the ‘travel agency’ that would take us in the van to wherever we were going, which I didn’t know…I wanted to stay in Phuket town for a day to see the festivals, but the lady said that that would be expensive and most of the hotels are already booked. So she suggested Patong beach, which is where most of the tourists go, and they have cheap places to stay. She suggested renting a moped to ride into town at night to see the festival. It seemed our options were limited so we just went with the flow and paid the extra 100B to get to Patong beach, and we would see what happens from there. We got dropped off at a place on the map the lady said had cheap accommodations, we walked down the nearest alley and to the end to a place called “Touch Villa”. We asked about a room, and it was 300B a night, so that’s pretty cheap; we decided to unload our stuff there and get the room. After dropping our stuff off we walked around the area, which was highly developed for tourists. There were tons of bars on every street, along with the standard ‘Thai’ shop for souvenirs. We got to the beach in about 4mins and were bombarded with people trying to sell us things such as renting a jet ski, parasailing, and even renting a lounge chair on the beach. Walking down the beach, it was nice to see sand and water and palm/coconut trees, but there were too many boats and jet skis in the water for it to be relaxing. We walked for a bit then headed back and I stopped at a place to rent a scooter. It took me a while to get the cheapest price, and my Thai came in handy, especially when they realized I was from Thammasat, so they gave me a ‘manual’ bike for 150B for 24hrs. The manual is clutchless, you just have to shift with your foot, and it was a 125cc, if I can remember correctly. I was a bit nervous driving around on real roads with the Thai, but I got the hang of it, just go wherever you can go and try not to get hurt. We only had one helmet, for it is only required for the driver to wear one, so I drove causelessly, at first. We settled back to the Touch Villa, and took a rest for a bit, and by this time it was getting late so we headed toward Phuket town where the festival would be going on and we could get some good vegetarian food. We got on the motorcycle and I triple checked the map I had on how to get to the town, the road signs were hard to read and very ambiguous in the direction they were pointing. I drove around and up and down the mountains and around the sharp curves and finally made it to the general area of the town. I didn’t know exactly where to go, but we saw a lot of people wearing white (as is the custom for the vegetarian festival), so we followed them to a Chinese temple, where there was stalls lined down the street selling all sorts of vegetarian goodies. I parked the bike and we walked around and center was the temple with kids shooting off fire crackers and many people making offerings. This area had a good feel about it, fused with vegetarian energy and merrymaking, it sharply instilled in me a surreal feeling of finally being outside Bangkok for one, and also the amazing realization of where I am…Thailand. We walked and took several pictures, grabbed some snacks from various vendors and then decided to check out other parts of the town. We got on and followed some more white clothed cyclists to the southern tip of the town, which backs up to a the ocean, alongside the harbor and bay area. There was another Chinese temple, this one was more out in the open, and only 200 yards from the beach. There were many people here also, and there was a gathering around the front of the temple, so me and meg went to check it out. We managed to get into viewing distance, as many locals were smiling at us and allowing for us to get closer and see the ‘Thai’ ways and traditions. There was a large pole in the center, made from a coconut tree, which people were stacking on top of. There was a small to large arrangement of them, from a small kid of only 2 or 3 years old to a large and bulky man supporting all the weight at the bottom. They had climbed to the top of the pole and were sitting on top of each others shoulders, 5 in all, and we watched the whole process in the silent tension of the whole crowd. After the feat was accomplished they slowly reversed the process and all got down safe and without incident. Next there was the youngest kid, and a 20 year old, climbing to the top and preparing for another trick. We watched and the kid was raised to the top and the guy spun around and did a few aerobatics, then dropped the kid off the pole! With a gasp of us onlookers we then saw he had tied a rope to his ankle and the boy was stopped a foot or two before hitting the people below, it was a crowd teaser and everyone sighed in relief, the kid was pulled back up and then he waved to the applauding crowd, ha, it certainly made me jump a bit. After this, the crowd disbanded and walked toward the beach where there were men in a long Chinese dragon, and they paraded along with fire spitting out of the paper dragons mouth and danced with the background drumbeat. All these festivities were definitely exciting but didn’t compare to the parade that came later. After it seemed like there was no more events we went back to the bike and headed down the main road back to town. There were many people parked and sitting along side the road, so we figured that the parade would be going down this road. We found a good spot and parked along the other 500 motorbikes to get a good view. It was about 9is then, and we sat around for awhile without anything really going on. Everyone had fireworks, they were selling them all along side the road, and even little kids were lighting them off and throwing them at each other. It was a kind of waiting for the parade and everyone was having fun trying to scare their friends and random people by covertly dropping a lit firecracker by the feet of the victim and walking away with a grin awaiting the “Pop! Pop-pop!” and accompanying screams. This happened a few times to me and Meaghan, as we thought would because there were only a few foreigners to be seen, so we did stick out a bit. It was good fun and all and we were amused watching everyone trying to get each other. Though it did hurt, there were like the wildcats, or little TNT fireworks, and they were loud too. These went on for about an hour and a half until the parade started coming down the street. Now we didn’t really have a clue what was going to happen, I had read that they perform feats of pain to ‘purify’ themselves and had seen pictures of people with rods through their faces so I was half expecting something gruesome. When the first group of people came by, about 12, they were marching half naked while everyone in the crowds of people threw fireworks at them! They walked normally while the explosions took place all over their bodies and we could barely see the people behind the fiery mass around them. This was the loudest part, our ears were constantly ringing and, I being close to the street so to get good pictures, felt some of the explosions and some wandering firecrackers that were thrown poorly. These groups of people came in groups ever 5 minutes or so and there were little stations where they were burning incense and had tea and other things for the people to stop and eat at to get refreshed, but this didn’t stop people from still throwing firecrackers at them. This went on for about an hour and finally towards the end a mass of people came down the street and everyone knelt down and stopped the madness for a bit, following them was a truck with bright lights and music playing. After they had passed I took a look at the streets and they were covered with red paper and debris from the explosions. There were still a few people trickling by and the excitement dwindled with a few ‘Pop-Pop’s here and there. We were pretty tired by then and it was about 11:30 so we hopped on the bike and cruised out of there avoiding people still throwing their remaining fireworks in the road. The smoke of the festivities still lingered and it created a warm glow that easily looked how I felt inside. We scooted out of town into the darkness of the outskirts and back through the hills to another glow of our brightly lit beach. Once we arrived back to our hut, the whole day of traveling and bus riding finally caught up with us and we were beat. By then it was past 12 and Meaghan wished me a happy birthday and we fell asleep in the hut on the island of Phuket, Thailand.The following days we did a lot. The rented bike got good use, and we also got some good sunburn. Saturday we took the bike around the southern tip of the island to the zoo, at first, but the price was 500B to see some cruelly trained animals do tricks and this wasn’t what we had hoped. So we continued down the road in the glairing sun with the salty air breathing for us, we went to Phromthep Cape, where there was a “view point” with an amazing view. We were on an outcropping elevated above some hundred meters, and we could see the rocky coast and some further islands. There were lots of little shops catering to tourists and Meaghan found some selling pearls, and they were extremely cheap since we were getting them closer to the source, she bought a shiny round strand for 400B, about $10 but would probably easily sell for over a hundred American dollars. From there we continued up the coast and decided we needed to jump into the ocean to cool off so we followed signs to Kata Noi Beach. We go to the beach area which was mainly undeveloped and we enjoyed some peace in the crystal clear waters, where you could be up to your neck and still see the hairs on your toes, if you have hair on your toes; you could see Meaghan’s foot tattoo clearly. On the beach were a couple of tourists and one lay walking around topless, me and meg couldn’t help but look and laugh a bit at the spectacle. After we cooled off we drove back north up the coast to our beach and I had to return the bike by 4pm. So after we dropped off the bike we went back to our place and rested a bit then went to get some food and my “birthday dinner”, I had Pat Thai of course and we got some….you guessed it, fried bananas with ‘honey flavored syrup’. Meg paid for us and it was a birthday I wont forget, simply because I got to share my Thailand experience with Meaghan on my 21st birthday, I really don’t feel any older, if anything I feel younger. Well after we ate we just walked around and enjoyed the sights and avoiding the people trying to sell us fake designer bags and sunglasses. We went to bed to see what the next day would bring. It was Sunday morning and we had agreed to move up north to a quieter beach and see more of the island. We checked out and paid 600B total for 2 nights. We walked out and down the street with a faint idea that we wanted to go to Bang Thao Beach. We walked and then just kept walking out of the town and down the road leading towards that beach, I knew it was far but had no idea how long it would take to get there. We walked up hills and around the coast and kept walking with little rests here and there. After about an hour and a half Meaghan had to really use the bathroom, we were really on an unpopulated road and I didn’t know what to suggest except to just go in the trees behind a rock or something, so we walked a bit more but she decided to be one with nature and just go. So after she came back out of the forest we walked for about 30 seconds and saw a small restaurant across the street with a bathroom behind it, ha, so we laughed at this but all was good, it worked out anyway. So we continued walking some more and after 2 hours of walking I checked the map and we were almost halfway there. This got a little tiring for the both of us, as I was carrying both of our backpacks. So eventually a nice local pulled over and asked where we were going and I said the area, and it turned out that’s where they lived and took us to the cheapest bungalow on the beach. We thanked him and it turned out he was a private taxi driver anyway and he gave us his card but didn’t charge us anything. We went to the front desk and got the rate of 400B a night, for it was the end of the low season. We were feeling the walk and just collapsed on the bed for a while, then took to the beach. I also wanted to rent a motorbike in this area but all the places were expensive. We walked down the small road a bit, where there was really nothing, a few shops and 2 restaurants in the whole area. We waked by a sign that said bike for rent and I asked a guy about it, he said to come back in an hour but the rate was 250B for a day, which was 100B more than yesterday. We decided to walk further but about 3 minutes later the guy we had just talked to came zooming up in a shiny new white Honda with the contract and all, so I just agreed and we hopped on and took off leaving the guy to walk back. I had to find a place to get gas as he gave us the bike with it on Empty. So after I filled up for 80B we toured the unpopulated areas, with many water buffalo and rice patties and local shacks and towns. I got lost a bit, and it was hard to find our way back to our secluded beach but I eventually found it. We parked the bike and went for a dip in the ocean and rested on the beach. We got cleaned up and took the bike again to find a place to eat because all the ones close by were extremely expensive, for tourists, but it was hard to find vegetarian anywhere so we decided on a western style place in a town up the road, Meaghan had spaghetti and I had fried rice with vegetables. By this time it was night and the air was much cooler, it felt good to ride the bike and follow the curves of the road by the small light on the front of our bike. I know now that I have to get a motorcycle when I get back, I love that feeling and before I even rode I knew I’d love it, it’s the feeling that the driver and the “outside” are one, or that you are not separated or “shielded” from reality - and it was even amplified with Meaghan holding on to me and trusting me with her life, ha! I don’t think she had ever rode on one before and she was scared for the first day or so, but I think she ended up enjoying it just as much as I did. After getting back from riding around, it was dark, and we just enjoyed being where we were, I found that it was so relaxing that I wanted to sleep, and so we did. The next day we followed my big cartoon tourist map to a national park on the island, where there was a waterfall and gibbon rehabilitation center. It took a good 20 minutes to get there, but it was all country scenery and the sun created another perfect day. We got to the park, had to pay 200B each, and drove along a small curvy road that was lined with deep green trees which dropped shade on us (greatly lowing the outside temperature), and the tropical forest was slowly becoming evident. We parked the bike in the lot, and walked up to the Gibbon Rehabilitation center. A guy and a girl, obviously not thai, greeted us in English. They were volunteering in that program from wherever they were from, England or Australia, and explained what the project was all about. The gibbons are protected animals for they were slowly becoming extinct due to people wanting them as pets or show animals. They would often kill whole families just to get the babies, which were then easier to train and adapt to being around humans, but also being in a cage. Many people would take them around for tourists to get their pictures taken with them, and this is one of the many problems that plagues the program today…anyway a gibbon is a primate, you know a monkey, in case you were wondering. We got the basic tour and got to see some of them energetically swinging back and fourth and running about in their cages up along the hillside, where they would progress and be introduced into a “gibbon family” and eventually be released back in the wild. Me and Meg got matching t-shirts and then followed the hiking trail up the mountain to see the main waterfall. It was really humid, as you can imagine in a tropical forest, but it was a good kind of sweat, or at least I thought so. The jungle ignites something in me, and I couldn’t help but stop and stare at the long green bamboo along the trail. With the long vines and meandering tree stumps I contemplated swinging from branch to branch while beating on my chest, I wanted to find some bananas most of all, and prove that I could survive in these here woods. But we continued on dodging fallen trees and overhanging spiky things. Alas we reached the cool mist of the falling waterfall!, well it wasn’t so impressive but certainly a site to see. It fell into a clear pool, where rocks pushed its flow back down the mountain. There were people sitting about, and some swimming in the area. The trail continued up the mountain, but I was unsure weather it was a trail at all because no one else really seemed to be going further. Then we saw two people grab a hold and just go up my suspected trail, so we followed them, hoping that if it the trail would suddenly fall off a cliff, they would go screaming down and we would therefore be warned. But, this never happened and it just relentlessly went onward and we were just consumed in forest. It got to the point were we would have to just turn around because further wondering would just increase the time to get back and it had already be over an hour. It looked the same in front of us as it did behind, deep green with sparkles of sun filtering through the high bamboo leaves and elder trees. I had half expected to see some “wildlife”, you know monkeys or maybe even a tiger as I had read the park does contain a good population of them, but the most we saw was a backing lizard that was soon frightened away. We trekked back down the mountain and this is where I got to try some branch swinging, as they helped me get down the more steeper parts. We eventually got back to where we had parked the motorbike, and decided to eat at the little open air restaurant, also right at the bottom. After this I headed out and back to the country road, but still heading north, but the road curved around and I had planned to stop at a Wat of some recognition, as it was colorfully noted on my map. It was Wat Phra Thong which according to my guide book: “Wat Phra Thong is built around an unusual gold-leaf Buddha image, half buried in the ground. Legend says that whoever tries to remove it will die.” So we entered into the monastery, which had the same calm atmosphere as most did, but with a tropical sent of course. The sun was still beaming and we were ever the more sunburned. We walked to the Wihan (main building where the Buddha image was situated) and took observance of the few practitioners there. We walked in and looked around, and I took special note of Meaghan’s reactions as I think it was the first temple she had been in. I think she felt uncomfortable a bit, but was secure in knowing that I was relaxed as it really is not a problem for anyone to just walk in. The temples are for the people, and though people get down on their knees in some areas and it is sacred, it has a welcoming feel and you are supposed to feel safe. It did take me awhile, after I first got here, to realize this and after talking with Thais, they don’t mind foreigners, or rather tourists, at all coming in as long as they are respectful and not boisterous or distracting. After leaving the Wihan, we walked around the other buildings and bought popsicles from a lady, she was quite the savior as she offered some weapon to attack the encroaching heat. We sat in the shade and ate them, but we had to do it quickly because they melted easily in the tropical air. After feeling cleansed and replenished, we hoped on the white Honda and headed back to Bang Thao Beach. The road that goes in front of our bungalow continues past to open fields and water buffalo, knowing that I had two more hours until I had to return the bike, I kept going past the entrance down the road. I didn’t really know where we were going, but I just wanted to keep riding, and we got turned around with the farmland and rising land in the background. We had been riding for a bit and I was looking for a way to go back when there was a random bout of rain, just falling out of the clear blue sky. This lasted for 5 minutes or so, then back to the regular heat, except you could feel the water evaporating from the black road underneath us. Then as we were coming around a corner, the bike slowly started going in a direction that I didn’t want it to go, mainly out from under us. It just tipped and slid out from under us on the newly slick road. We were left sliding on pavement as the bike went slightly further across the other lane, luckily I had been only going about 30 miles an hour and we were able to stand up, but not without being slightly confused as to what had just happened. We checked ourselves, and noted the left sides of our bodies where we had made contact: no profuse bleeding, able to move without significant pain, all extremities still attached…check, check , check. I headed for the bike while Meaghan picked up our scattered items that had been in the front basket of the bike. It took me awhile to get it in neutral and wheel it out of the way, all the while people were yelling at us to hurry up and get out of the road, ahh the frustrations of tourists. I looked around, although still flustered, I noticed a family just staring at us, and then checked the bike for any damage. Nope all parts still there, hop on Meaghan – zoom, and we were down the road again with the wind stinging our recently acquired souvenirs. Meaghan got the brunt of it, or maybe I was just wearing more clothes than her, but she had arm, elbow, knee, and multiple toe damage, while I just had scrapes on my elbow and arm, and some road rash on my back/shoulder, she toughed it out though and I was proud of her. Although the responsibility had finally hit me and I couldn’t help but feel awful and guilty for it, even though I hadn’t been totally reckless I still felt it could have been avoided, but, they say experience is the best teacher. We managed to find the way back to our hut and we attended to our wounds. I went out and tried to clean up the bike a bit, and I knew he would notice the scratches because it was a brand new bike. The front fender had a noticeable, but not hideous, scratch the revealed the black plastic under the white paint. The left handle bar had scratched along the pavement, so metal was worn off a bit there, and the mirror had tiny scratches on the back plastic. Other than that it was fine, and I thought there would have been more damage. Then I finally decided to take it back, wondering what the leaser would say or even notice. He was waiting when me and Meaghan pulled up, just down the street from where we were staying. We stepped off and then he took few looks at the bike. He said “did you have and accident”, “nid noi” I said, which means just a little. He had a frown on his face, and one of his friends came and joined us. He began assessing the damage and how much it would cost him to get fixed, but really the bike was fine the way it was and there was no harm done, honestly. But he still insisted, he said in addition to the 250B rental, he wanted 500B more. We went on for a few minutes, with me persuading him that I didn’t have all that money any how. I explained how the accident happened, and no other people were involved. All the while more locals began gathering, an older man, which I perceived to be a relative of the leaser who by the way was a young guy probably 24 or so. They had discussions in Thai that I was able to get pieces from and interject a “may dai” (I can’t) or “sam sip dai mai?”…offering him 300 total. The old man persuaded talked to him more, and it seemed to be a deep discussion because they had also noticed the injuries which we had incurred, and I think the elder thought that these were enough payment for the scratches on the bike, but anyhow, I made a final offer of 400 and he reluctantly took it, the total sum of $10, which included the rental fee. So I was down a few hundred but it didn’t cause too much of a problem, and although I did fee bad I thought that he would still be able to make money renting the bike with or without the scratches. The old man made us too shake hands in the end, and the dispute was finished. I walked away grinning at the whole situation and I think Meaghan just didn’t follow the whole argument but was glad it was over. We walked back to our bungalow and took our towels to the beach to lay down and absorb the day. We wanted to go in the water but our open wounds would only allow 5 minutes or so until the pain surpassed the enjoyment of the warm water. We rested on the beach some and then took a walk looking for shells and such. We found 3 “wild” hermit crabs, “wild” because I had never seen them on any beach before, not even back home. Meaghan picked some good shells and even found a really cool one, a spiral with spikes but a few minutes later with it in her hand it started moving around, ha, it turned out to be another hermit crab and she had just not noticed. On the way back I found a plastic bottle and was able to get some sand and find another hermit crab and take him back to our room. He’s a small guy, with a grey and dark red swirly shell. We got our stuff together and agreed that we would leave tomorrow, and head back to Bangkok.The next day, Tuesday Oct 25, we ate breakfast at our resort and then checked out of the front desk. The lady was kind enough to ask where we were going and how we would get there. I told her we were headed to Phuket town to the main bus station. She hollered to the back a got us a ride to the main road where we could take the local “bus” to Phuket town, about 20 minutes away. I say “bus” because it was just a large truck with the back having 2 benches on either side and also a permanent wooden canopy. It cost us 40B to get to the station where it took a while, but I got us tickets for second class back to Bangkok for 389B each. It was about 12:30 or so and the bus didn’t leave until 4:20, so we had a lot of time for a lot of nothing. We walked around outside then after that got too hot, we went to a café up stairs and sat for an hour or so. Then we checked our bags with the lady, so we could go get some real food before we got on the bus. We walked down the street, then found a decent cheap place and filled up for the long bus ride home. We managed to get back just on time and hopped on the bus at 4:20, where we were quickly placed in the last row, and I noticed we were the only foreigners. The bus was filled up to capacity, and we even picked up random people who had to fill the bed in the back and one old man had to sit on a stool in the middle of the aisle. On the way back we stop at several “rest stops” where we can go to the bathroom and also buy small snacks and drinks. At one of the stops, at about 1 in the morning, I went to the 7-11 to get stuff, it didn’t take long, but as I was coming out the bus was already pulling out so I ran and knocked on the door just in time, and they let me in and I took my seat in the back where Meaghan had wide eyes wondering if I would be lost forever or not. This was the only happening worth mentioning on the way back, besides the intermittent sleep and bumps it was a fairly normal ride. We got back to Bangkok at around 6:30am Weds. morning. We took another city bus for 5 minutes back to my apartment, woke up Jason while coming in but then we went to sleep. It was hard to readjust due to the morning hours and Bangkok atmosphere. I still have that hermit crab, I wonder if he can make it back to America?, well that is another saga to be continued.

November 12, 2004
I saw a strange thing this day, it is graphic, but worth mentioning. Apparently a male dog was trying to mate with a female, and they had somehow ended up backwards. Now…hear me out on this one. They were in the middle of the sidewalk and several other people were staring at the conundrum, so don’t take me as a pervert or anything of the like. Ok, so the female was lying on her back, with all fours up in the air. For directional purposes lets say her head was facing south, ok got it? Female, on back, all fours in the air, facing south. The male was standing, quite awkwardly, facing NORTH, over the lower half of the female, with his…um…organ inside her organ…struggling to get it out. So basically he was trying to escape by hopping, but he was stuck inside while the female just lay there bouncing about. Now to make it even stranger, another male (dog, just to clarify) was sticking his snout in that area in conflict, and the two males were growling at each other showing their threatening teeth. So, yeah, it just doesn’t happen in the human world anymore, dogs too are being caught “in the act” while having an affair. Just a beautiful mental picture of the Bangkok I see everyday.

Hey, i recently met the owner and operater of this site: http://www.happycow.org . He was in one of my favorite vegetarian resturants here in bangkok and we got to talking and he goes around the world looking for vegetarian resturants...check out the site. it has lots of good info!...P.S. i will be updating with some better entries that are saved on my laptop soon...