Monday August 2, to Monday August 9
So much has happened and I have found no time to write. I can only summarize from here. Before I start I have to say I got a guitar finally. We went to Pata again and I checked out the acoustic guitars and made a decision on a Kimus (a highly recommended guitar). I paid 2,700B and it works fairly well, enough to satisfy my cravings. Ok so we went to Ko Chang – Jason, Brandon, and I. We took a bus which was about 5 hours, costing 198B. We took it to Trat then took a boat ride across to the island. We had no clue where we would be staying and by the time we got on the boat it was dark and probally about 7pm. There were other people going to the island and we questioned them to where they were staying. When we landed on shore we decieded just to follow the Canadians we met that were staying at “Cookie” resort and bungalows. We discovered that there was only one truck taxi left traveling to the resort area, because the island is fairly undeveloped. Mostly forest and only one main road circling the island. There were 16 people who needed a ride on this truck taxi, the size of a pickup truck with a covered roof and bench seats with a riding bar on the rear. So we ended up fitting, or rather cramming, all 16 of us on the back with 4 people hanging on the rear. The island is fairly mountainous and we had trouble getting up the hills with all the weight in the back. It was pitch black out and all I saw was what was illuminated by the trucks headlights, it seemed as if we were trying to escape out of the country. Everyone had a good time and we followed the Canadians to the resort and got a bungalow right on the beach for 600B a night, now that’s 200 each…so about 5 bucks a night to stay right on the beach! We got situated and decided to walk a bit down the main road and get something to eat. There were not too many shops but definitely a few for the tourists. After finishing we had nothing to do but go to bed. Brandon slept on the floor and me and Jason shared a king size bed. We could hear the waves crashing 20 feet from our door and I went into a deep sleep. Next thing I remember is hearing the wind howling and a downpour of rain flooding our hut. The rain was so heavy that you couldn’t see outside at all, almost like looking underwater. I tried to ignore it and we had to close the door so that Brandon wouldn’t be soaked. I woke up at about 6am and it was still raining, I had planned to take an early walk and maybe yoga on the beach but that plan didn’t look like it would happen. So I went back to bed and woke up a little later when the rain was down to a light drizzle. We ate breakfast and decided to rent motorbikes to ride down south more and find another place to stay for the upcoming night. We checked out and got the bikes, mine was a manual transmission 125cc, it was 150B for 24 hours. I had to put Jason on the back of mine and his crutches and all our backpacks made the bike a little unbalanced. We went slow until I had the hang of it. We traveled down the road for about 15 minutes until we found another area where we could rent a bungalow and as soon as I stopped on the side of the road we tipped over and Jason and I fell off with the bike landing on top of us. No one got hurt and we all had a good laugh from it. After we got our bungalow, me and Brandon drove our bikes around the island and planned to go to a nice waterfall but it was closed, we think because of the extra rain may had made it dangerous. The roads on the island were fun to navigate. There were many hills and curves and it was also raining slightly. I enjoyed risking my life several times and forgot only two times what side of the road I should be driving on, no biggie. Brandon fell off the bike on one massive curve that had a 50 or 60 degree slope. I didn’t see it because he was quite a bit behind me, but I noticed he wasn’t behind me and waited for him. There was no damage to him, and more importantly none to the bike. We decided to head back when Brandon’s gas gauge was reading empty. We slowly found a place to fill up and then headed back to meet up with Jason. We shopped around a bit and got some souvenirs and ate some more good food. We stayed the night there for 400B, or about 133B each. The experience was pretty good and we met some interesting people along the way. We took a mini bus back that fitted about 10 people and that took longer than we expected, about 7 hours, because the driver kept stopping and resting and eating and all sorts of random activities. We made it back in one piece and my first island trip was a success. We got back on Wednesday evening and had to register for class on Thursday. I woke up Thursday and got my stuff together for registration. I got to the building and met all the international students and it was good to see some fresh faces. The day went smoothly and we had a terrific lunch, free of charge. I signed up for classes, and they all sound interesting. I also signed up for a Thai Kick Boxing class, so we will see how that goes. I did meet some Japanese and French students that seem easy to get along with. It is a new experience to meet so many different people and all of us are unfamiliar with Thailand, so we have a common goal. This is what gets me up in the morning and keeps me excited about the day ahead. I can’t get enough of the exploring and meeting new people. I go to sleep late at night and wake up early so I get the most out of the day, I always feel like I am doing something and although I love life that way, I need to take things a bit slowly. There is too much to do in 24 hours.
I meet more people that are staying in the same building and there was a consensus that we should make the most of our 3 day weekend and go to another island, Ko Samet. I agreed and we met at 7 am to make the trip. This time only a 3 hour bus trip that cost 128B one way. We arrived on the beach and the weather was nice, and we had trouble finding a place to stay. We ended up getting a 2 large bungalows with 3 king size beds. There were 6 guys and 5 girls. So the guys were in one and the girls in the other. We all ate dinner and enjoyed the beach before the sun went down. We stayed up late and talked at the restaurant/bars on the beach. There were a fair amount of other people there and we made friends quickly. The locals are the best to talk to and they are all very friendly and laid back. At night there was a “fire” show where they would spin a flaming stick and some nun-chuck type things. It was entertaining and some of the guys tried it with no real success and a couple of burn marks. We did some night swimming and the water was always warm. The sand was white and extremely soft under my feet. These islands were known for their coral reefs and I felt a few rocks and coral a few times. After going to sleep and waking up early I felt relaxed and amazed at where I was. I off the Cost of Thailand and it all seemed so surreal. It was all hard to take in, there was too much beauty surrounding me and I couldn’t help but notice it all. The new day was a perfect one at that. The sky was deep blue and white clouds whisked high above, if any place was paradise, it was here. The island mountains rose up behind me while the cost line made several inlets so as to hug the crystal water. There ocean had no quarrel and remained placid and smooth all day. This made swimming a dream, like diving into a warm vein traveling to the heart world. After swimming a bit I decided to trek the island and see what was out there. I got packed up and took rations and headed out exploring while the others relaxed on the beach. I just followed the main dirt road up until I hit another beach where, it just so happened, I saw several topless women sunbathing. I didn’t not stare of course and it seemed normal yet foreign to me, and I believe only Americans would feel this way. I kept hiking up to the northern tip and went through several local villages. They had huts on stilts out on the water and also on the land. I traveled by the main boat dock, where there were many shops, and found a woman making fried bananas on the side of the road. These I had to try, and believe me they were worth the 10B. I have to say they have been my favorite food I have tried in Thailand. After exploring around the whole island and eating a bit here and there I managed to find my way back to the beach were we were staying. I had spent 4 or 5 hours out in the sun and had put little sun tan lotion on. My skin did feel a bit burned but it only got worse later on that night. We played some soccer and Frisbee on the beach with a few other locals and ate a good meal again on the beach. We all stayed up, the others drinking and carrying on, but I enjoyed it still. They respected my choice and we all had a good time. We checked out and got on the boat the next morning and I sat in a hammock for the ride to the island. This was the highlight of my weekend, it seemed like bliss for that 30 minutes, with me swinging back and forth in the back of the boat floating along the coast of Ko Samet. I closed my eyes and didn’t want the moment to end, but of course we had to land on shore again, and the journey continued. Took the bus back with no problem and made it back alive for one more day. By this time it was Sunday at about 4, so a few of us needed to get some last minute uniform items before showing up at Thammast on Monday. I had to get some black pants and search for inexpensive black shoes. I got the pants, which desperately need hemming but no luck on the shoes. I decided I would just wear my converse. We were going on a tour so we had to be in basic uniform, but the shoes didn’t really matter.
After waking up Monday morning I headed to Thammast for the Vimanmek Mansion tour and the Grand Palace tour. Jason decided to stay behind and sleep until his class later in the day. So I went with the group from my building and we met other students at the meeting point. The first tour we went to was the mansion, it was “the worlds largest golden teakwood mansion”. It was built by King Rama V, the most adored and respected Thai king. He enjoyed western architecture and so the large mansion had many styles built into it. It had the first electric chandelier and first shower and many other technological advances for their day. The mansion was huge, it had 78 rooms and several sets of staircases. The sections were color coated and separated different parts of the mansion. I believe there was blue, green, ivory, pink and peach. The king’s area was peach. This mansion housed millions of dollars of artifacts and gifts given to the previous kings and whatnot. I enjoyed the Chinese section with many teapots and paintings. The king had a different colored tea set for each day of the week. I also found out that Vimanmek means “paradise”. The tour took about an hour and a half and we saw some traditional Thai dancing at the end. I got to talk to my Japanese friend, Eshike, and also the French one, Mail. After eating some rice and cantaloupe, we got back on the bus and headed out back towards Thammasat. We stopped and let out anyone who didn’t want to go on the next tour of the grand palace. Then drove down the street towards the entrance of the Temple, which is within walking distance from the school. The Grand Palace “(the temple of the Emerald Buddha) is the city’s landmark and should be the first place on any visitor’s itinerary. The Palace built in 1782, consists of several buildings with highly decorated architectural details. The magnificent Royal Chapel, Wat Phra Kaeo, which is the same compound, houses the Emerald Buddha, one of the most sacred Buddha images in Thailand”. That is the description the school gave us on the handout describing the trips. When we arrived at the Grand Palace, we had to wait a bit for another group to show up. Once our guide got everything taken care of, we were able to proceed into the compound. We got in for free, where normal tourists would have to pay 200B. We had a another lady meet us and she was our tour guide inside. I will attempt to recall all that I had seen, and give some history that I have in one of my Thailand books. When you first walk in through the gates and pass through the surrounding wall and roofing, you spy the enourmous sparkling temple and other tall structures. Everything is brightly colored and gleaming in the sun. You are suddenly transported into another world. You are greeted with the Wat Phra Keo, the temple that houses the Emerald Buddha. This structure has several overlapping roofs and shingles in blue, red, and orange. The points at the top are covered with gold, and as you eye extends down you notice all the detailed work inlayed in the pillars and on the side of the building, words can not describe. There are many other structures jutting out high into the sky. The Phra Si Rattana Chedi, is the tall gold covered cylindrical building. It contains a pieced of the Buddha’s breastbone. As I turned around and looked around the whole place I saw many tall statures of the Ramakien Monkey Guardians. They are the classic Thai figures and there are, I believe, eight sets of them. Each with different characteristics, for example, one pair had a elephant trunks for their noses. After walking with the guide and hearing the history behind the many buildings we headed towards the old throne hall. We passed by the may wall paintings, and this too was amazing to see. The “Ramakien Gallery extends clockwise all the way around the 178 panels depicting the complete story of the Ramakien.” This distance is about 2,080 yards, which is just amazing. The story is a mythological tale of the monkey king, love and war. As we pass by the tour guide explains some sections as to what is happening. All of it was hand painted and very detailed and beautiful. We continue walking under the roofed wall, and then the dark clouds rolled in and it began to downpour. It rained hard for about 10 minutes, then it slowed up enough so that we could walk to the old living palace of the Kings. This area is closed off to normal tourists, but we had special privileges because we were Thammasat students. This area we had to take off our shoes at the door and we were not allowed to take pictures, but it was all very beautiful and antique. I enjoyed walking without shoes and many places require it, like the Vimanmek mansion and some restaurants. We saw many artifacts and the rooms were expansive and grand. As we were about to leave it began to downpour again so we waited inside and we all had time to relax and take it all in. I sat crossed legged on the floor, closed my eyes, and just felt the energy in the room. It had a very serene and comforting feeling that allowed me to meditate easily. We sat for about 20 minutes, until the rain let up a bit and some people sent over large umbrellas for us to share. We continued out of the palace and followed the tour guide as she pointed out new things. We stopped at the royal guest house and this is where any of the kings guests stay, like queen Elizabeth or other royalty. By this time I realized I was late for my first class which started at 3:30, Thai Civilization. A few other people were headed out to go to class so I went with them. We walked back to Thammasat, which took only 8 minutes or so. When we got to the class it was about 4:15 and we snuck in the back and sat down wherever there was a seat available. The teacher didn’t notice, or ignored us, and kept on teaching the material. What, material already! She had already started teaching on the first day of class, which I did not expect. I noticed that there were about 10 international students, which were all wearing their uniform, and about 20 Thai students, which only one was wearing his uniform. So I figured the dress code was pretty lax. I also found it interesting that the Thai students talked constantly amongst each other and some were even crashed out sleeping on the table. There was constant chatter during the teachers lecture and she didn’t tell anyone to be quite or wait for people to give her silence. So learning here will be different, but I think I can manage. After class was over I waited for the other international students which had been sitting on the other side of the room. Anna in particular because we had gotten to know each other a bit and I wanted to see what she was up to. Anna is from Florida, but she has been going to schools all over the world and has an accent. Her parents live in Spain now, so she said that even though she is from Florida she has no other home at the moment other than here. I first noticed her when she was carring one of those grocery bags that are canvas, it has a rainbow and turtles on it and says “save the environment” in German, the same one that Meaghan has. So we walked and went over to the international office where I picked up my student I.D. card and she had to revise her schedule. There I met two other Thai students and Matt, a guy that lives in my building that I had not talked to much before. They said they were going to get food at the cafeteria so I joined them and said bye to Anna. One of the Thai girls had just graduated Thammasat. She introduced herself as Joop, it means kiss. We talked a lot and she was very interested in finding out more about both of us and America. She said she has traveled a lot, but has never been to America. She made us laugh and taught Matt and I how to pick up Thai girls. She taught us Koon Soo-Ay Mah Krup – you are so beautiful, and Pom Chorp Koon – I like you. I was a fun experience and by then it was about 6pm so Matt and I headed out and said good bye, and they took down our emails and our room numbers. After getting back and meeting up with Jason, I was tired and took it easy for the rest of the night.
Tuesday August 10, 2004
Jason, Brandon, and I decided to go to Cosaun Road today. This is one of the largest market streets in Bangkok, you can basically buy anything here. There are always a ton of tourists and backpackers, and this is a place you have to be careful in. I had not previously been there before, but Jason and Brandon gave me the low down. You can negotiate on anything and if you want something you don’t see you can just ask and they will probally have it. You want ninja throwing stars, tazers, pirated software and movies? You can get it, and for cheap. When we arrived we agreed to go our separate ways and meet at the Burger King right at the top of the road in about an hour. There was clothes, hand carved elephants and Buddhas, jewelry, books, insense, knives, swords, electroand plenty of places to buy fruits and the like. I had only been there for about 10 minutes when:
Experience: ...will tell you guys later...So after I had gotten out of the alley it was already time to meet the guys at Burger King. I walked feeling stunned and stupid. I needed time to digest it all, so when I showed up to meet them I must have looked a little out of it, I just said all the shopping and things to buy overwhelmed me. I asked if anyone was hungry because I saw a place where they had cheap food and some vegetarian stuff. We walked to the place and it was a traditional Thai restaurant. By this I mean open to the street, small, and with wooden tables and stools. Very simple. I ordered Pad Thai with Tofu and an Ice Tea. All this was delicious, and only cost me 35B. Brandon had class so he took a taxi to Thammasat while me and Jason took one back to our apartment. We rested a bit and then Jason and I walked down to the market by the Phrachan pier, about 15 minutes, where there is a fairly large market. Along the way we found the Post Office and I mailed 3 post cards, one to Mom, one to Pops, and one to the Samahas. We got some food and miscellaneous items, I needed some thread and needles to hem up my black pants because they were excessively long. So we got back and just took it easy for the rest of the evening. I read some Thoreau and typed some, and attempted to send pictures via the internet, but no luck. I have class tomorrow at 12:30, Thai society and economy. Brandon and I are in the same class so we are going to walk it together. Did a half hour of yoga and meditation that helped clear my head of things and kept me centered, I got to sleep easy.

Wednesday August 12, 2004
Woke up early, too early so I went back to bed and woke up again at around 9. I had class at 1230 so I went to Brandon’s room to see if he was up yet because we are in the same class. We talked and agreed to meet at 1200 downstairs and walk to class together. The walk to Thammasat isn’t so bad. We have to go up cement stairs and across a bridge, then down a set of stairs again. Then we turn though Wat Amarian, which is a fairly big compound. It has the standard temple with beautiful architecture, but what I find mysterious about this Wat is an old, smaller temple structure that looks as if it had once been burned down. It looks very old, yet it miraculously remains it posture. It has a black and white feel to it, with the temple roof in ancient green shingles and monotone paintings. Every time I pass, it feels like a haunted house, yet it contains wisdom, and I am speechless and awe struck every time. It is off to the side and many others pass by it without even a glance, but I am swallowed by it every time. After we pass through the temple grounds and walk out through the golden gates we continue down the street towards the pier. This pier is the “Railway” pier and connects us to Phra Chan pier right next to Thammasat. The whole trip usually takes 15-20 minutes. It costs 2B to take the ferry, and we usually arrive fairly dry. We walked to the class and made it there at 1230, but it seemed that the previous class had just gotten out. We waited and then sat down with a few other people I knew. I had heard that the Thais just use time as more of a basic guideline and not as an exact measurement. After the teacher came she explained that we would probably be starting 5 to 10 minutes after 12:30, so that’s OK with me. The class was Thai society and economy and the topics she explained were interesting. After class we talked a bit with some other people and then decided to go eat something at the cafeteria. I got some veg. food again with some corn chips and corn and tofu and just some random stuff with spicy sauce on top, it was interestingly delicious. We met Josie there, another international student from Louisiana who is 2 feet taller than me, and we ate together. We went our separate ways afterwards and I went to look in the bookstore. I met up with Brandon there and we decided to find out if the library has the books we need because many people make copies of the book instead of buying it brand new, which leads to me questioning the copyright laws around here but the teachers even recommend that we copy them. It costs about a quarter of the price, which compared to text books back home, it is extremely cheap. I think about a 100B per book, which is less than three bucks. So we went to the library and Brandon found out that the books were somewhere else and I sent him on a mission to find them and get them copied while I used the schools computers to send some emails. Afterwards I decided to rent a dvd from the library and watch it. You see the school has a big multimedia area where there are about 30 tv’s with dvd players and head phones where you can watch movies, so this looked like a good idea. I got the movie Bad Company with Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins, it was alright but I got bored of it after a while. After I finished that I went back to eat some more at the cafeteria, because it is good and cheap, but the Vegetarian place was closed. I tried ordering at another place but I ended up getting a dish with meat in it so that was no good. While I was sitting at the table a man came up to me selling bottle openers. I had seen him go up to many people and they all rejected him. He then came up to me and spoke surprisingly good English. He said that he was unemployed and needed to get money for is underprivileged children. He had a soft voice and his eyes were truthful, even behind his thick glasses I could see someone in need. He said they were 25B and only 5B is profit for him. I really didn’t need a bottle opener and even if I bought one just to help him out I wouldn’t use it. So I just gave him 20B and he blessed mean and said that he knew I was kind and generous from my hansom face. I’m glad to help anyone, and what goes around comes around. After I left the cafeteria I headed back to my Apt. There was another International student I ran into. I forget his name at the moment, but I think it is Matt. Anyway he waned me to go get some beer with him later and told me to meet him out front of Pata, the department store at 9pm, I said I wasn’t sure I would make it, but I think he expected me because I really didn’t object too strongly. Well I crossed the river again and went back to my apt to see what Jason had been up to. We decided we were hungry because I didn’t eat the dish that they gave me with meat in it at the cafeteria. We got Brandon and went to the little restaurant near our place, a traditional Thai sidewalk dinner, like I had previously described. I ordered papaya salad, or Som Tum I think. We got several dishes and didn’t know whose was what. After dissecting the dishes I we all found ours and began eating. Then, a funny feeling came over me, my mouth felt like it was lit on fire. This dish was freaking spicy, and I mean deadly spicy. I went through two bottles of water and a bowl of rice before I even got halfway done. My head was throbbing and I felt light headed, like I was about to pass out. I thought the dish was delicious, but just really spicy. It was a cold dish, like a salad, with tomatoes, sliced papaya and peanuts, and of course chili peppers and red flakes which meant it was dangerous. I turned out all our meals were spicy and we must of looked like fools downing water and our faces turning red. Mine and Jason’s eyes and nose were watering pretty bad. I couldn’t finish my meal and mouth and lips felt like they had gone to hell and back. Well that was an experience. I left still hungry so when we came back to the apt. I made a peanut butter and banana sandwich. I went up to Brandon’s room and we brought down the movie Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, that is an illegal copy he bought on Cosaun Rd. The Quality was pretty poor but I watched it all the way through. After it was over I began typing this. Then I expect I will read a bit then go to bed.

Thursday August 12, 2004
The Queen’s birthday, no class. So I wake up to the phone ringing, I answer it and it is Moo, a Thai student. She says hello and wants to know if I want to go with her and some other international students out to lunch today, so I was glad someone wanted to hang out with me and agreed to meet at 12:00 at Thammasat. We debated where we would go eat, but since Moo and I are vegetarians we had limited choices. She finally decides we will go to this good vegetarian restaurant near Cosaun road. The place is underneath a hotel, but looks homely. The whole menu looked delicious and I had a hard time choosing, but I decided on the noodles with fried tofu and vegetables and peanut sauce. Then I got a banana shake, that was awesome too with a hit of coconut milk. After I finished that I had to get this desert: Black sticky rice with mango and banana in a bowl with coconut milk. This was amazing too, like a sweet cereal. After we ate there, we decided to look around on Cosaun Rd. and some one wanted to look at books. So we did that for a bit then went to a ice cream place where they got fondue and multiple flavors of Ice cream. I have been having trouble keeping the vegan diet here. About half of the dishes you get have egg in them and I have since learned to say Mai Kai, no egg, but I have eaten egg out of hunger and frustration that I can’t order what I want. I haven’t had any cheeses or cows milk here, but I cant read the ingredients on any of the packaging, so I’m not positive that the bread I’ve been getting is vegan either, well any way I had to have a few bites of ice cream too. It’s hard here, a good 95 percent of the students got out late and drink a lot, and of course I don’t, and also I am a vegetarian and I have only met 1 other international student that is also a vegetarian. So it is hard to go out and have fun with people who don’t like the same things you like. It then gets to the point where they either naturally filter me out of their daily activities or they pressure me into doing things I don’t want to do. Well either way I feel like the outcast, even amongst foreigners in Bangkok. I do feel guilty and like I had committed a grave sin because I had some ice cream. Well after we were done there, we decided to head back and we walked through this park to get on the nearest ferry. There are some festivities already starting, little girls are dressed up and having a formal dance. We continued on to the river where we took the speed boats back to the pier close to my building. By this point everyone else had gone separate ways and I was left to walk back to my apt alone once again. Before I got to my apt. I had planned to call Meaghan, and that’s just what I did. I got to hear her voice for the first time since I left and even though she was mad I was happy to talk to her. We couldn’t talk long because she was just getting to work, so the time difference is always a problem. Well headed back to my apt. and I met up with Brandon and Dave eating in the downstairs restaurant, they said they were going to see the festivities near the grand palace and national museum. There is this gigantic circular field that is used for these purposes. I went up and got Jason and we left with a group of people from my building. As I walked down the streets I saw white lights adorning the trees, like Christmas. The streets and trees are filled with this warm glow, people are flocking to the area to celebrate and honor the Queen. As we were getting fairly close we begin to hear loud bangs in the air. We look around and realize that they have started the fireworks show. Everything has slowed to a standstill and everyone is looking in the air at the massive fireworks that are exploding off in the distance. By this time we are in the middle of a main road looking up into the air with palm trees light up and surrounding us. It was quite a breathtaking moment. The fireworks lasted a good 10 minutes and they came from 3 different directions around where we were standing, so when one side stopped a new side would start theirs, so all of Bangkok was lit up with these explosions of color. After it had all finished we continued to follow the crowd into the massive field where there were about 5 stages set up. Each stage had its own performance. Some dancing some musical and some comical, at least that’s what I’m guessing. The crowd was thick at this point, and we all had difficulty following each other through this mess. The must have been half of Bangkok in this area because it was packed, shoulder to shoulder. We passed the usual vendors, selling unidentifiable meats or canned drinks. We made our way to one stage, but it just was not that enjoyable. There was music and noise coming from every direction and people were brushing and shoving past us. We decided that we had taken in enough so we headed to the outside and less dense area. We got to an area where we could regroup and decided that we needed some food. We headed out to Cosaun road again, and if you hadn’t figured it out this is the main road to go to if you want anything and everything. We stopped at quite restaurant, but it turned out to be not so quite after all. The man at the table next too us was a bit intoxicated and kept asking us questions and just blabbering on while we were trying to enjoy our meals. It was interesting. I ended up getting a watermelon smoothie, which was basically blended up watermelon (sill delicious), and some vegetarian spring rolls. We all talked for a bit and had I had a good night overall. We took a taxi back, it was almost midnight and the traffic was still horrible. Brandon found out the hard way that it is impolite to talk about any of the royal family’s age. The driver said “it’s the queens birthday”, and we said “yeah…uh happy birthday queen” because we felt the driver was expecting us to say something. But Brandon said “yeah, how old is she again, 72 or something?”.. and the driver just stared back at us in silence, that was the end of that conversation. So when we got back Brandon tipped they guy a little extra because he didn’t want to get reported and deported. I stayed up a bit and read, and then got some ZZZ’s. I didn’t sleep too well though

Last Supper
The whisper of the orchids tell me
They have seen me before
I walk here my first time
Yet, in the same bound
I conquer time and continents
It is no longer passing scenery
No longer bread for a later supper
Only, another meal fried by the locals
And if I look out of place
And can not explain enough
It is because my eyes have been shaded
The wild dogs know
For they sit at my feet
As if I fed and sheltered their years
Why do I see an old friend within thy eyes
My fate has guided me long enough
So I can rest a little along the only shoreline
And share all that I have with my brethren
But not for the last time

Thailand Journel
Wednesday July 28, 2004 Bangkok, Thailand
After arriving at the Bangkok airport at about 11:30 pm, I exchanged my currency and then took my bags to the main exit. There were gates with hundreds of men standing with signs with people’s names. I continued through the narrow path to find the airport taxi stand with was outside the nicely air conditioned terminal. A blast of Bangkok heat came blowing at me and the air was dense. Then a Thai man came up to me and said “taxi?”, I said no, and pointed at the taxi stand. He said “No, no, me airport taxi” and I glanced at the long line for the taxi kiosk and estimated at least a half hour wait, then said “Ok, how much”, he said “550 bhat”, now this price I know was more expensive than the 300B that the school estimated we should pay, but I was tired and just wanted to get to my hotel. It was only about 10 bucks anyway. So I agreed and paid him then, and he took me out to the car. From there I got my first glimpse of the city and the infamous traffic, though it was only a glimpse. Pulling into the hotel down a back alley, with a outside restaurant and food market right on the side of the car I was a bit worried to the type of hotel I would be staying at. Then he pulled up to the main entrance and a bell boy came out and helped me with my bags, I checked in with no problems and he took me up to my room. It was air conditioned, and that was all I needed to sleep. I took a quick shower, which was more like standing in the rain due to the lack of water pressure. Then lights out and sleep came easily, for I had only gotten about 6 hours of sleep in 48 hours.
Thursday July 29, 2004
Woke up to sounds of construction out right out in the hallway. Turns out they are re-modeling the hotel, just my luck. It is about 8:30am, and I get dressed and contemplate what I am going to do today. I end up going down for breakfast in the hotel restaurant, this consisted of toast with strawberry jelly, watermelon, cantaloupe, and papaya, just enough to not feel hungry. I decided to venture outside the hotel and walk the city streets in search for….ah yes, an international phone to call my mom back home. I saw a 7-11 sign from my balcony at the hotel that didn’t seem too far away. I walk down these back streets and pretend like I know where I’m going. The streets has the smell as if we were in a giant wok, street vendors with carts of food, most of them fried or grilled. Dogs calmly walk the streets and eat what scraps are available. The people stare at me as I walk past their open houses and some smile. The pattern of the city streets makes no sense to me, they curve around and turn, and there are so many of them. Finally I reach the main road, and the traffic is crazy. I see 7-11 off in the distance and head for it like a bug to a porch light, it’s the only familiar sight around. Crossing the highway proved difficult, well difficulty verging on insanity. There are no traffic lights to be seen and the traffic is like a brick wall with a continous stream of motorcycles, busses, trucks, tuk-tuks, and taxis. Finally I make my way sprinting though a hole in it and make my way across the two lanes and get to the median where you have just enough room to stand and wait to cross the opposing lanes of traffic. After several minutes I make my way to the 7-11 and walk inside expecting to see familiar drinks and food, but no such luck. It all looked like a giant cartoon, with wacky figures and smiling bunnies and turtles on the packaging. I decide only to buy a phone card for 300B, which I have no clue to how many minutes I would get out of it, but whatever, I’m already sick of being the foreigner. After walking outside with my phone card in hand I search for a international phone booth. Walking down the street in Bangkok is like playing hop scotch when I was a kid. There are numerous vendors with stuff laid out on the side, and random pot holes leading to the sewer, and people you just don’t want to get near. I see a phone not too far away and make a stab at calling home. No luck, phone card doesn’t work with this type of phone, next phone please. So after trying several phones in the area I make my way back to the 7-11 to ask where I can use it at, and to my amazement I see a phone glued to the side of the 7-11 that says international, and has the same company name that is written on my card, “LENSO”. So go figure. Make the call and let everyone know I’m still alive (barely), and all that good stuff. Next I got to go to Thammasat and figure out what I’m supposed to do next. So I check out of my hotel, and take all my bags to Thammasat, well just my backpack and a large duffel bag, and meet the International Office staff, they are all very nice and were easy to talk to. I check in with them and find out that it is up to me to find a place to stay, but no biggie eh? So I’m now homeless in Bangkok and am playing it cool with the staff, but they were very helpful in giving me all the places to stay around here. I also met Gok-kai, and Thai student that works in the international office. She greets me with a smile that also makes me smile back. She gives me suggestions of places to say and helps guide me through it on a map that they also gave me. I’d have to say she is really the first Thai girl that is just beautiful and very pleasant to talk to. She says she has to go to class, or else she could show me around. So I said it was nice to meet her and she surprised me by making me repeat her name which I had no clue at all, so I’m sure I made a good impression. She repeated her name “Gok-kai, its my nick name. Kai means chicken and gok is like the sound they make, gok-gok-gok.” Hah, now I get it, I laugh and repeat her name. Then she continues off to class while I’m stuck in the international office staring at the map wondering where I’m going to stay tonight. Then another girl comes in a she looks Thai, so I’m still staring at my map and she asks me in perfect English why I’m at Thammast. So I find out that she is also an international student from Iowa. She was staying at the Thammasat dorm and didn’t know of the other options from the apartments in the area. So we both ventured out together looking at the list that I had and the out of scale map leading us on. Luckily, as I soon found out, she had been studying the Thai language before and knew how to speak it very well. So we were able to find the apartments and talk to the Offices to find out what was available and how much it would cost, well she was able to. She was a lifesaver and it seemed like she was my tour guide. It turned out that she is from Laos, Thailand’s neighboring country. Pam is fun to walk with and good company for Bangkok, because I was starting to get lonely and depressed about this whole situation. So we find one place that is fairly close to campus and in good condition, the room is pretty big and there are beds where you can spit into two for a second person. The price was 8,000B a month, which split in half would be 4,000B which is about $100 a month. Not bad at all considering the school will be giving us 14,000B a month as a stipend. So we end up at campus again and I still don’t know where I’ll be staying for the night. They end up calling the hotel for me and setting up a room with another student who just arrived today. So that sounds good, right. Sure I’ll be staying the night with someone who I’ve never met before, well its all part of the experience. So I head back to the hotel, and leave my big duffel bag in their office for the night. I wanted to walk but I really had no clue where I was going, just the general direction. So I head off and basically stay straight and look at the crude map that the school had that I also used for searching for apartments. After about 15 minutes of walking I’m starting to feel lost, then a Tuk-tuk driver pulls over and starts yelling at me to get into his three wheeled motorcycle. Well, at first I told him I was walking to my destination and pointed at the map, but he started laughing and said “no, no, you walk right into river”, so I took that as I was going the wrong direction. So I gave up and asked how much and he said fifty bhat. I thought this was too much so I said I don’t have any bhat on me, how about one American dollar, he said two, so I agreed. Anything to get back to the hotel sometime today. So I get in and he whips into traffic, while busses and motorcycles are flying around us shooting black smoke into my lungs. That’s one thing I figured out about this city, if the traffic won’t kill you then the pollution will. So he heads in the general direction, then he turns back and yells “you see big Buddha now…you see it now, you got camera?”, “no, no back to the hotel, Samsen road”, I yell back. “Extra money, one more dollar”, I am frustrated by this point and just hand over the dollar figuring my life was already in his hands, and I didn’t want to piss him off. He takes it and continues on driving but a minute later he insists on the big Buddha, I keep saying no, no, hotel, so he eventually gives in and takes me there. That was a bit frightening because he didn’t want to take me to the place I needed to go, then as he is about a block away he says “need more money, tip, for tip”. I say get me to the hotel first, so that gave him an incentive to actually get me close enough where I could see the hotel. As he stops again near the hotel he says “pay now, more money” so I give him another dollar and jump out of the cart. Man that was deadly. It cost 4 dollars which is about 160B, three times as much if I would have just given him the 50B. So I get checked in at the hotel and meet Jason, my roommate. He’s from Atlanta, Georgia and quite a humorous character. So I get settled in and go to sleep another night.
Friday July 30, 2004
Again I wake up to construction and the banging of a hammer on my inner ear. I try to sleep more and indeed I go to sleep for another half hour when I wake up to the phone ringing, this time in my other ear. It was the lady at Thammast U. She said there were two other guys there looking for apartments and I was the so called ‘expert’ since I went the day before and saw most of the ones in the area. So I talked to the guy, his name was Brandon and it turned out I had met him before on the airplane from Tokyo to Bangkok and then again at Thammast the first day, just briefly. So he came back to New World Lodge, where we were both staying, and me and Jason met up with him and Dave. Dave is from the UK but was going to college in Maine and Brandon lives and goes to college in Spokane, Washington. Both of them are good guys and easy to get along with. So I gave them a briefing on the appts. in the area. Then acquired taxi and showed them the best ones that I had thought were good close to the school. The taxi ride there was, to say the least, interesting. The driver spoke no English at all and the crude map from before was useless. He just started driving according to the picture on the map and he eventually raidoed in to the taxi headquarters and was talking and laughing on the radio for about two minutes. Us guys in the taxi, there were four of us, didn’t know what to do or say and we just all looked at each other wondering where exactly we would end up. Suddenly he just handed me the radio, because I was sitting in the passenger seat (which is actually the driver’s seat in the U.S., this is also a weird experience), so he hands me the radio and I am really speechless, I don’t know if I am supposed to say in English where we want to go or tell my life story. So I just say “Ruen Indra court apartments?!” and a thai voice comes back and I don’t know what he is saying, of course it is not in English. So he shoves the radio back in my face and I repeat it again. No luck in anyone understanding where we need to go. So the driver, who I got was a nice guy and was just laughing at the situation not at us, pulled over to ask some guys at the bus station if they could decipher the map to where we wanted to go. So we wait a few minutes then he comes back and zooms back into traffic, and it looks like he has an idea where we are headed. So we get to our destination in one piece. We check out the apts. and agree that they are pretty nice but the rest of the guys want to see the others so that they can have something to compare this place to. So I show them to the other place which was above this large food/clothing/misc. market and that in itself was crazy enough walking through that they decided not to even bother looking at a room. So we take the ferry across, which was right next to the market, the Chao Phraya river to Thammast, literally straight across the river. The river is a nice brown acid color that seems to be cemented in around the city, nothing new. We arrive at Thammast after dodging a few barges and speeding boats and then have to basically jump off the ferry to the dock. We then walk up and aim for Thammast which is about 200 yards away. I stop at the Thai Military bank and open an account there for the school to put my monthly stipend. This was no easy task, and I signed my name about eight times on pieces of paper covered in Thai writing. So yea, I probably sold my kidneys and my soul and all my possessions to the black market. After I get this done we all walk over to the International office to say hello to the nice people there. We tell them about our day and the apartments we’ve seen and we get promising reactions. Brandon and Dave had to be out of the hotel before 12 so they left their bags in our room until they found a place. So they were homeless for a bit also, until they decided on a place to stay. We met Pam there and she said she could show us the Dorm’s if we wanted to stay there. It is a 45 minute bus ride each day but the rent is cheap, 2,000B a month. So we say what the heck and head over in a taxi to check it out. Ok, now there is five of us, six including the driver, packed in a car that was tight with four passengers. I think the driver was a little mad at the situation so he preteneded like he didn’t know where he was going and drove in circles for a bit to increase our fare. Pam was yelling at him in Thai so we figured it wasn’t a good situation. At any rate we eventually arrived at our destination. The dorm was pretty big and fully furnished, so it wasn’t bad at all, just the commute was torturous. We decided to take the bus back to see what it would be like, and the amount of pollution I inhaled during that trip had to be equal to a pack of cigarettes. It was a long trip, but we saw a lot of the city and people on the way back. The traffic was horrible and that is the only reason why it takes so long. A motorcycle could probably make it to Thammasat in 10 minutes. So Dave and Brandon decide that the Ruen Indra would be our best bet, for the money and the quality it is actually decent. So they ran back to the apartments and got things squared away and then came back to the hotel to get their bags and the money they need for the deposit. Me and Jason check in for the night and decide we will also get an apt. at Ruen Indra. Later I headed out to give some of my family a call, but no one was available and I left messages with 3 different people. Then I walked back to the hotel and a street restaurant caught my eye, and my stomach. It caught it because the sign was written in English and there was vegetarian dishes available also. The place had wooden tables and chairs with an array of plants fencing of the area. There was Thai Jazz music playing, this also was very interesting and relaxing. The lights had red cloth over them so there was a glow about the place. I sat down and ordered some jasmine tea and vegetarian Pad Thai. The chef was off to the side in plain view and I watched him cook my whole meal, and once the food was set down with chopsticks I dug in. This food was amazing! Everything was fresh and crunchy. It had fried noodles and tofu which was seasoned with pepper. There was snap peas and carrots and spinach in with the noodles. There was fresh cucumber and lettuce as a garnish and little lime like citrus fruit cut on the side. It was the perfect amount to eat, enough to not be hungry but not too much as to I feel it was a chore, unlike most restaurants in the U.S. I could eat this way everyday, and I probably will too. Paid 55B, $1.40, and this also adds to the taste. Then I went back to the hotel and read a bit of Thoreau and went to bed.
Saturday July 31, 2004
Woke up at about 8am to the ever pleasant sound of construction in the hotel. This will be my last day here so I am not worried. Me and Jason made a basic plan for the day: Get breakfast, Go to bank and get money for deposit and rent-12,000B each. Then off to apartment to sign lease and set up our room. OK so off we go and we get it done without incident. Our room is actually nice though not like a regular apartment back home. It is a big room, two single beds, a TV and stand, desk, bookshelf, and wardrobe. Towards the back there is a area with a faucet and cabinets underneath. The bathroom is nice too, all of it is recently renovated and it has A/C too, definitely a plus. What I like best is that the bathroom door is the classic Asian style sliding door. All very clean and good enough for living. So we get set up and make a list of things we need to buy…
Toilet paper (a must)
Pillows and bed sheets
Towels
Food and rations
And anything else we could use for eating or drinking. Luckily the room came with 6 big bottles of water which cost us 90B. So we didn’t have to worry about carting tons of water around Bangkok. We head out and search for any one of those items. We find a small convenience store where we get six rolls of toilet paper for 40B. We keep walking and see a fruit vendor and buy a bundle of mini bananas for 25B. These taste just like their larger brother but just a quarter of the size. We decide to turn around because the distant roads don’t look to promising. We later find out it is the Buddhist lent holiday and many places are closed. So we head back to our place and as we arrive we spot Brandon and Dave walking up too. They say there’s a department store not too far away where we can get a pillow and some sheets, they basically have everything. Dave bought an acoustic guitar there for 1,100B ($27.00), which was some weird Asian brand and didn’t sound too good, but it was still cool and that kept my hopes up because I had been going through guitar withdraws. By this time Jason was tired and so he decided to go back to the room and Brandon and Dave walked with me back to the department store. They led me through the maze of vendors and citizens to the areas they found to be a good deal and they had what I needed so that was fine with me. I got 2 pillows, one for me and one for Jason, @ 89B each. Next I got a bed sheet set that had and cover and pillow case for 215B. Then Dave showed me to the guitar section where I scoped out the situation. They had some nice ones and they were pretty cheap, but I decided to hold off until I got my stipend to buy one. We then went to the Super market down at the bottom of the Department store. There was enough food items there to overwhelm me so I got the basics: Bread, strawberry jelly, peanut butter, cashews, chips, and two plastic bowls and a fork and spoon set. All this was about 340B, eight bucks. We head back and by this time it was getting dark. That’s another thing I noticed about this city, the sun rises fairly early at 6am and sets at about 6pm. So it starts feeling late at around 7pm but really that is no even close to being late. Well we arrive back without difficulty, which is a rarity, and I take my stuff up and show Jason what I got. I did pretty good for my first try at purchasing necessities. After a while we went down to get food at the restaurant in the bottom of our building. This place also has a nice atmosphere, it is roofed yet two walls are open to the outside. The rear is open to a Asian style garden with large palm trees and wooden benches, very beautiful. We sit down and I figure out what I can eat. None of it was vegetarian so I had to go with the Pad Thai which had chicken and tofu. I ordered and said “Pad Thai, mai kai.” My first attempt at speaking Thai because our waitress spoke no English, I did it correctly and there was no chicken on my plate when it was brought out. This meal was also very good and I drank regular black tea with it. A bit more expensive than I thought, but not a problem, only 100B or $2.50. So we finish and start walking and run into some more students that are staying here from Thammasat. Brandon and Dave arrive also and we all talk and introduce each other. 3 of them are from the University of California, but different locations. They said that there were also 9 others from U.C. that would be studying here. Brandon and I are trying to make plans to go to the beach before our orientation starts, in about 6 days from now. So we leave it up in the air to who ever wants to go, knowing that it is about a 3 hour bus ride but really cheap. So after a bit I said goodnight and went to get online at the computer room to send emails to people to make sure they knew I was still alive. Then up to my room to type this….then to sleep I hope.
Sunday August 1, 2004
“Crash!! Oh crap.” I’m now deciding weather I should ignore what I just heard or go back to sleep. I look over towards the noise and I see a broken glass cup on the floor and Jason standing by the bathroom. He accidentally knocked off the glass that I set on the counter by the bathroom. See this is the thing about Jason, he doesn’t have good use of his lower extremities and his coordination is quite poor. He had put his hand on the counter to balance himself while attempting to reach to bathroom. I look over and it’s about 9:30am, at least it’s not too early, so I get up to help him clean it up. We improvise and use a cloth to sweep and a piece of paper as a dust pan. So we get that cleaned up and I get ready for the day ahead. We made plans to search for some fresh fruit to buy and something where we can heat up water for tea or noodles. We first head out towards the boat dock where there is a market. The walk is about 15 minutes and we always see something new. I took many pictures this time of everything that stood out. I must really seem like a tourist now, camera in hand, snapping photos at the people and children smiling and laughing at us. As we approach to market we see a nice bakery and dessert store that we seem to wander into. It’s a nice place and everything looks edible, which for me is quite a challenge to find. I find a long skinny loaf of bread that looks good, it was full raisins and spices. So I buy it for 25B and we head out to the market. I start eating the bread and it was really good, the raisins ended up to be prunes but that was still alright with me. We reach the market and start aimlessly wandering through the maze of carts and vendors that are half indoor and half outdoor. Its really hard to explain how these places are set up. There are a lot of women’s clothes, purses and shoes, and random gadgets. I saw a man with a cloth set out with jade carvings on it. This caught my eye, he had square light green jade carvings for a necklace and also just smooth circle ones. I then saw a smaller carving that was a Buddhist mudra, a religious hand gesture usually used on statues of Buddha. I ended up buying the jade green one for 80 B, about 2 bucks. Then we continued on until we got overloaded with too much, we sat down and got something to drink and then headed back to our apartment. On the way back we stopped at a fruit vendor and got a watermelon for 25B. We continued back over the bridge and looked down at the river and saw these boys swimming in the river, they were have a great time of it. I took pictures and then we got back to the Apt. After great thought we decided to use Jason’s little pocket knife to cut up this watermelon. The size is about the same of a cantaloupe, not gigantic like the ones back home. We managed to get it open and scooped some out into the bowls we got the day before. This was good stuff and just what we needed after the long walk. The temperature is a lot like a hot day in Richmond, but a lot more humid. The sun shows no mercy and the pollution seems to open the atmosphere and doubles the intensity. I have yet to find sun tan lotion, yet I’ve heard they have SPF of up to 120. Anyway, we ate some melon and then made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Then a half hour later Brandon knocks on our door to see what we had been up to. We talk for a bit and there is word about heading out to Ko Chang, an Island off the coast and about a three hour bus ride. This sounds promising but anything can happen so I keep my schedule open. Brandon says he’s going lay down for a bit because he is still trying to get use to the time difference. So I hang out for a bit and then Jason and I decide to go to the department store, the one I had visited the day before. We head down and get Brandon, then start on our way to the stores. We start walking but then notice one of the girls we met was about a hundred yards behind us. We waited to talk and it turned out to be Ellen, a Swedish student. She is a sweet girl, about my height, but defiantly Swedish. Her English is not good, but not bad either. I think she can understand it better than she can speak it. She joins our party, and off we head to the Department store. It is about a 15 minute walk and once we get close the congestion and walking traffic increases. There are many people selling random items on the sidewalk and, of course, food. Almost everything sold on the streets here are fried or grilled. The things I had found appealing would be the grilled bananas, and grilled corn. Everything else was unidentifiable and some of it made me gag. We get to the Department store, which is about eight stories tall. This place is more like a mall without the individual stores. Probably like a giant Wal-mart shortened and stacked up on each other. The vendors are have their own people and you pay in that area. There is always a person standing eight feet off watching you and seeing if you need any help. Other shoppers where filtering through the small aisles and people were everywhere. We picked up some groceries in the food store at the bottom of the building, we got some corn flakes and I bought soy milk while Jason got regular milk. We also bought a big knife for future melons and some jasmine tea. We needed something to heat water so we went to the appliance section and I wandered into some watches that were 199B, so I got a basic one, it says Sottas on the band and it is dark green. Good enough to know what time it is in Bangkok. We also found an “automatic kettle” that is electric and is just what we needed, for 255B. By now we about ready to hit the eject button because the amount of energy and people that surrounds us. We try to exit but we end up going out the back, and had to walk though another street market to get back to the entrance from which we started. We decide to take a taxi back because Jason has yet to get acclimated to this much walking. It is difficult for him, with so many people around it is hard for him to maneuver his walking sticks so as not to crush anyone. The steps kill him also, but sill I commend him for even making the trip. We look into our empty wallets and find all we have is 50B, all in coins. So we figure it should be enough, if not we would tell him to stop if it get close to our fare limit. I show him the apartment card where we live, which is written in Thai and is our lifesaver. He looks at it for a bit then starts off. We make it there and the fare is only 37B. We pay him and we go back up to the room to chill and decompress. We test out the water kettle and it seems to hold up just fine. We munch on some lays chips and some cashews. Its about six now and the sun is starting to go down. Brandon knocks on our door and says he just got back from the department store, we ended up getting split up, but not biggie. We talk more about this island adventure, and not much seems to be known about how we can get on a bus and go there for a day or so. Brandon leaves to get some food and says he will try to find out more….then I go to typing….Ok back again. Went out to get some cash in case I actually go to the island tomorrow. It was dark out and my first trip alone at night in Bangkok. This was a little intimidating, but I managed to survive. Of course I got more stares and random shoutings in Thai than usual, but I survived and am back to tell. I also saw some tentacles on a stick for sale, like a kabob, interesting to say the least. I withdrew 2,000B, and walked carefully with my wallet in my front pocket. I stopped at a 7-11 and got some bottled green tea with honey, this was surprisingly tasty because my last bottled tea that I got in Japan while I was waiting for my connecting flight tasted like liquid rice. So I leave and enter another little store where I finally get a lighter to light my incense. Then I decide to walk further down this road where I had not previously traveled, looking but not expecting to find a decent restaurant where some signs were in English. No such luck. I head back and then turn down another road to see if there was anything. There were many people who were saying things in Thai to me and I just smiled and walked on, some shouted out loud then I would hear others laughing behind me. I’m sure it would be easy to make fun of me in my face and I would have no idea what they were saying, in fact I’m positive that’s what they were doing. Well, I continue on until I reach an area where the street lights stop, so I figured that I should also. I turn around and head back to my place. I of course make it just fine, although I was a bit nervous. I tried out the lighter and it shoots a flame 2 feet in the air on the lowest setting, I almost burned my eyebrows off. I ended up going down to use the internet but found out they had turned the computers all off, but Brandon was down there on his way up, so we talked about tomorrow. The plans are a little clearer but still very uncertain. He looked some stuff up on the internet earlier and found where the bus station was and how much it would cost. He wasn’t sure about places to stay but claimed there were a lot of bungalows that are easily rented. We would probably stay for only one night, but who really knows. We made plans to wake up at 7am and meet at 7:30 downstairs. So off I go to discover another day.

sweeet it works...will be posting soon, hopefully.

i need to post stuff, hope this works!!

 
do we forget those who offer humanity
the abundance is left
to set a model
for those who quest in captivity
there's never a mode for normal
never a road to that calls their name
yet the things of this earth bring them to fame
set in the record books
all for being a relatable consequence
but those who slip under the radar
have all the more to live for
lighter than those set in stone
delightfully looking at the world without scrutiny

 
theres a gurgle starting to boil. you think I can make it?
a new world will soon be under my feet.

Getting ready to jump ship.... E.T.A: Wendsday 22:50,  Destination: Bangkok

Yes, I do take baths every so often. And these were written in one:

Rose in Winter

Have you ever seen a rose’s bloom in winter?
The petals doesn’t ask for any warmth to survive
Yet winter will melt its own beauty
For another’s to last but one more day
This is the generosity and sacrifice of our mothers

Returning Home

If you ask me how I can easily forget the worries of this world
I will ask how you can forget the beauty of this world
And if in the moment you cannot feel bliss
Then you must take another chance at life
If you said I had cancer
I would say there is not a dark spot on my inside
And if you ask for but one word from above,
Or a hand to gently guide into the unknown
Then you may never learn
Just as fathers must let go of their children
When they first want freedom on two wheels
It is the trust and faith of our father,
That we might willfully turn around and come back one day

It was raining so hard that I put on my bathing suit to go to the grocery store....

Worry Me Not

Let men hand me troubles so that I would steep it for tea
Grind up worries so that they may add fluff to bake
I need not my schedule for another morrow’s dance
Everywhere I follow the holes in the clouds
Where rays stride through and reach from heaven
Just to golden my hair and lighten my step
So let me boil mountain waters
And gain nutrients to fast by, through this tea
I would not go without knowledge
However, I can devour terror at my doorstep
Do we need so many canopies to protect us from above?
What causes us pain but men walking without love
There is no fear of monsters to the blind
All is unknown, yet it is easy to discover
Hear but to listen for the first time
Unplug your ears from the sockets your neighbors
Do you forget, we all grow upwards
When an apple is plucked from the boughs
Does the tree miss the fruit as its child
Or does it just feel one apple lighter
If all mankind were fat and full it would still produce
Because our hunger is beyond the fruit of this earth




How is love able to break hearts yet mend them at the same time?

what is it about dried fruit and trail mix that makes me feel invincible, man i could live years off of bananna chips.

Just lean back and exhale, now take it all in:

(Your Name) Was Here

You can wear what you want to wear; the colors don’t show your soul
The tighter the clothes the tighter the mold
You can eat what you want to eat; it will all just put your spirit to sleep
What about the way we do our hair and the makeup for streetwalkers
Humans about
Once made, set a will
One OM spoken can set possessions free
Yet we discover arrows
For pleasure to poke
A collection of worn converse is a photo album
Of past days walking, dirt-grass-gravel-the works
I never knew what we leave behind for others to collect
Gum to stick me on the ground for serenity now
Humans in bliss
Forget to kiss their father
Know only their worth via a wallet
Count your shoes to know not enough
Miles to wear them
If indeed you scuff your ego sometimes, this is life
For there is not enough money to pay off regret
I’d rather go the distance and never come back
Than to hear the stories of homecomings that had never left
Humans aloof
Pondering which day they’ll die
Buy ten calendars to think they have time
A stone statue in the park
Keeps but a memory alive

Begotten

Love is liquid warmth, and I shall drink it to my death
With a passion no less than a volcano’s fragrance
And as pressured as a tsunami collapsing the innocence
Our bodies have nothing to do with beauty
The Daughters of Delphi descend from the Pleiades
And yet my closed eyes still feel the bliss
This energy has conquered me

Forlorn Forever

What makes the world go round, when there is so much resistance?
What I’ve always wanted is to do away with the wax truth
To be humble and help by sweating inside the brow
No tangibility makes me secure
A quick drop and I’ll be on my knees
Not for subdues
Forlorn forever with a smile on my face
Why do good things happen to good people when they don’t even need it?
It’s different when you find out that your boyfriend was your mother
In a another life
How about it now, this orange robe covers more than head to toe
With shrubs as my shrine and sunshine that lasts into the night
Where is the food for an empty heart,
But in a chest that’s always pierced
Love flows out into my begging bowl
To quench the dry mouths of those who have talked with me
Miles and time run circles hand in hand
Until someone steps in and gives time a rest
Then we all are able to do what we want
And what we’ve wanted we already got.
Is there something wrong with me
That I fall in love with everyone I see
Behind dark glasses or in plain sight
The eyes define a gateway where I fall every time
Why do I drink bitterness for a feeling of future happiness?
I do not suffer when a thief steals, but I am weighted moreover
For a soul that does not understand
I would give all but they still shall not smile
And they still would ask for a glass of water
If I had to wring my throat dry
All would receive enough to be satisfied
Therein lies the goblet
Where the son of man shared with twelve men
And indeed liquefied reality that night
For the world was waiting on just a drop
But it got an ocean for the future to swim
There, I pray, is hope left
One man can act for a billion
And still have time to watch the foliage unfold

"Speach is mearly for the convenience of those who cannot hear"
-Henry David Thoreau-

Free Freedom

Well don’t disguise, I can read
Free is in its name, we all can see
wisest is he who puts down his gun
and saves two souls instead of shooting at one
yet another man will send someone to heaven
before he will ever get the chance
why cant we see, all this fighting
can never set us free, its not the meaning of free
and if we find foreign men outside
yelling for someone else’s freedom
then ask them why they eat before you
ask them why they sleep in better beds
while your dreams have been found missing their heads
steel makes up cells, yet it claims to free as well?
don’t let them tell you what to believe
never let a stranger speak for your family
what we need to be wondering
instead of who might be the enemy
is where they’ve hidden freedom
its nowhere to be seen
free freedom, before it looses it wings
free freedom, before it forgets how to sing
free freedom, it will know what to do
free freedom, with it you can not loose
some people say that freedom isn’t free
but I disagree, we all deserve to be free
it is definitely worth fighting for
but when you have to fight those
who claim to fight for freedom
then it is a self defeating war
we are no better off than before
so step back and inspect
the motives that involve men and their money
for one country cannot see well the borders of another
and can only act but with its own head
when one family can go out and play
on a green lawn waving to the neighbors
how can they know the right words to say
on matters of fellow men
who fear walking by their windows
because their neighbors were crying yesterday
I cannot vote for an army of my countrymen
to give back a country to its own citizens
by taking force against them
while shooting at the people to keep them safe
what sense does this make
when death can protect our children
from suffering a long life
who is a traitor against their birthright
when we give freedom on paper
and keep it safe in a cage
free freedom, before it looses it wings
free freedom, before it forgets how to sing
free freedom, it will know what to do
free freedom, with it you can not loose

30 Day Wine

Feeling like a dope machine, want to break me down
Snuffing the skiff on the skibby
Nothing more to reach me but a Polaroid
And grasping the grapes on the ground
I fertilize and I repent
I recycle and yet we forget
Carbon has made up, laws have tested
A soul to pull up and a string to tie knots
Keep the meat and realize the insides
With a samurai to knife his own door
And an Enzo to mark entry in the world
Herd a voice and tackled the words
A light to make light unknown
Things sprout while time graduates
The facts loose their footing after 30 days
Wisdom needs no warranty

Singing for the Seeds

Singing on forgetting
Forests are relenting
Bambi knows, if you’re not cute you go
The creatures lost their love for living
While dying for giving
Men don’t need
More
More for weeks beyond and before
And when a mind has made up
That god bestowed
Some power for men to imagine power
And be gods of their own every dinner hour
To think we know our needs
Our taste is acquired
Over
More over instinct is fired
The pestilence has hold
Blindness unfolds for every hit
Addiction applied
No ones admitting
I’m alive despite your giant shadow
A head to big to think for its own
Fueled by a green origami hamster
Speaking your thinking
The voice of millionaires
Just happens to be heard
For your best interest
Amazing or just a glazing?
On a garden is where I confide
Footprint next to paw print
It’s not a law but against the way
By living through loving
Is a warm bed at night
At the end
Respect as if
The self in thyself
Myself is yourself is connected milk
Under the sun, wonders expand
Dirt turns to sand and replenishes
A dropped berry
To chance but grow a hundred berries
Dough rises to reflect
For, there’s no mystery
Why the seeds grow

"shoot. you got to respect old people. they got wisdom. a young buck cant handle it, wisdom will kill you in a second."
-bob the truck driver-

A wise teacher once said to me, a mature person is one who can live with paradoxes.

La’Boom: French Lightning

You think you know how to smile?
What it is, what it does
A foolish fool waiting to suck up the breeze for a while
And a mistress tossing her red dress in the snow
But talk about
A discourse untranslated,
Straight from the books of writing eyes
Lips to lips, big toe over small
And a cornucopia liquefied for ink
But talk about
Its how your color your picture
During turbulence on an airplane
A fabulous mistake
And a snoring suit to keep you awake
But talk about
Velour women with styrofoam men
A liaison between flutters and flout
Still, stores are overstocked with cases of giggles
And too many super sized lives to count
But talk about….
What’s left but the blackness in my ear?
And the same noise from yesteryear
Blah blah blah in a library of candles to lighten
Yada yada to dilute the flavor
I’ve heard it and still will
When a lightning bolt speaks
It has something to talk about

No comments? Jeez I must be either flabbergasting my readers or paralyzing them with boredom...i think the latter

Being vegan has its ups and downs,
I’ve found it difficult to explain my reasons if someone hasn’t contemplated it themselves
simply because we all think differently and reason what we will
but I have also found that people are deeply interested in it as well
although they have not the strength or caring capacity to stop doing something they know is self defeating
we got into a conversation about diet at work, and you can imagine a bunch of manly men
set in their own ways late in life, men who lift furniture and drive big trucks for a living,
and someone brought up that they don’t eat any pork,
and others agreed that they try not to, mainly because it is one of the least healthy of the acceptability consumed animals
but the guy who first proclaimed he didn’t eat pork had different reasons
one being that it is a dirty animal to begin with
and also that eating this type of farm animal also produces a mental change
for instance
these animals live in fear and that produces hormones in their blood that is consumed in the meat
so, he suggested, that this fear is passed along to those who eat it
I understood it as a more spiritual/mental degration, which he was hinting at
but didn't come out with it because it may have been a taboo
but my question was, or rather I stated, I didn’t eat any animals, for slightly those reasons
why did this theory apply to only pigs
these fellows saw no substance in this, but merely food for their empty bodies
One agreed that they would like to be vegan, but had not the moral strength to do so,
maybe he felt this way as we all would like to travel the world or be millionaires
but how is it we can hold back other passions, for we know they too are wrong, and not hold back when it comes to food
is it that we are already conditioned to the idea of necessary death for a meal
for me it takes little moral strength, once I was properly informed I could not pretend I didn’t know, for to betray myself is to scream mutiny and jump overboard
I do not wish to be blind when it comes to what’s on the inside, and I simply do what I believe is right
while others seemed to just think this fools talk, and possibly blasphemy against America itself
it needed to be known where I stand, although my reasons were not detailed or convincing
I was still respected
and it is known that I can work twice as hard with a clear conscience and a good PB&J

There’s gold in one of these holes

It’s the last of feelings emptied from the corner store, and yet there’s no need to be addicted. Have you ever heard of a happy disaster? This fridge is hollow, except for some leftover shake and bake blues, a hole in my sock and that unadjusted wedgie caked to the door handle. What a selection! Doubt if I make one at all, for to be undecided among a choice of fools creates a great recall for flavor in my life. A hole in the pocket is better than air conditioning in the winter.

Fingers of God

If I were to act without thinking I would be a finger of god
And if I were to die tonight, it wouldn’t be the first time
Perchance I live but another day
It would only be to wipe the dust away
For a sleeping giant lies in these hills
Ready to awaken at mornings promise
Forever waits yet another eve
And my skin still blankets what I can’t help to believe
It is just that, the potential destiny and looming uncertainty
That propels me to start life floating along the canal
It is there that I get layered and accustomed
Warmed up and numbed, growing our elite opposable thumb
But what is it all for,
Only to peel away and cry with the layers
Then to find that our substance is all the same
Nothing special, nothing to gain
But connected at the heart and surviving on shared love
This is the essence that keeps me at bay
Or rather, keeps me here for another day

First-Aid As A Last Resort

I am oblivious to the world around me, yet I know it through a single action
I am lost in the vat that separates skin and soul.
It is not being perfect in what I do,
It is knowing that I have given it all a chance to be perfect
What do we discover through searching but our own ends
It means being satisfied, but you have built your own cubicle
With wood grown without wisdom and nails forged from another’s sweat.
So it is that I know,
Thinking with a first aid kit puts education in rear seat
Still, the rain will come when you need it, and also when you don’t.
So slip sometimes and stare back at the sky with a fury
The drops will clear you eyes quick enough
Grace always has a purpose and soon we will all have this moment

Live for the Dead

If you want to hear that sound of freedom in your ear
You got to make that choice
You got to make that choice

If you want to hear that sound of freedom in your ear
You say no war today
No war today

Now, it don’t matter where you were born, you know right from wrong
It don’t matter what creed you go by, you know right from wrong
You gotta’ use your head
Yea use your head

You got to do what’s right
And live by your word
You see people dying
You better know it’s absurd

You got to do what’s right
And live by your word
You see people dying
You let your voice be heard

If you want to hear that sound of freedom in your ear
You got to make that choice
You got to make that choice

If you want to hear that sound of freedom in your ear
You got to vote today
Yes, vote today

Now, it don’t matter what you say it’s what you do
It don’t matter what you do if it don’t feel right to you
You gotta’ live for the dead,
Yea live for the dead

You got to do what’s right
And live by your word
You see people dying
You better know it’s absurd

You got to do what’s right
And live by your word
You see people dying
You let your voice be heard

Grain
It’s like walking on sand
With your feed dug in
Millions of grains on your skin

The solar system would stop spinning
If one was unaccounted for

Bless them for entering your day
Forgetting time and sending it on its way
I will forever love the act of recognizing god

a new section where anyone can leave comments on a post is avaliable, simply click the comments at the bottom of the post...let me know the truth.

"Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls."

"You cannot seperate the just from the unjust and the good from the wiked;
For they stand together befor the face of the sun even as the black thread and the white are woven together."

"Your daily life is your temple and your religion."

"For in that day oyur shall know the hidden purposes in all things,
And you shall bless darkness as you would bless light."

"Work is love made visible."

-Kahlil Gibran-

"Let him who wipes his soiled hands on your garment take your garment. He may need it again; shurly you will not."

"Sin does not exist except insofar as we have created it. It is we, therefore, who must destroy it. If we choose to make evil it exists until we do destroy it. Good we cannot make, for it is the very breath of the universe; but we can choose to breathe and live in it and wish it."

-Kahilil Gibran-

I am reading a book on the life of Kahlil Gibran, a very interesting and profetic man who was born in Lebanon. I will update with further quotes that may come of it. Take what you will.

Seems to me that we have proper protection of religions from the government, but the government has no protection from religions. We have separation of church and state, but man is the church and the state requires men to govern. Alas, laws can not tell us how to think yet religions can, and lawmaking requires much thinking.


Sediment for the Masses

You look at me and think I got the magic hand
So come stand in line if you see you name in the sand
But know that soon the waters will wash it all away
If you don’t see a blank canvas in the sky
And the colors of world ready to be drawn
Then what’s the use, what’s the use
You might as well just sell your eyes and be blind
Seems that you mind has always been lost
Spent your thoughts climbing a latter to the top
But once again you’re tired of ringing in
Well when the world has sunk in so deep
It makes you loose control of your feet
I say let the tide come in
If it means the permanent can’t last
As long as you stop being hand fed by the man
And your toes go the way they want to go
Its all for show but I’m not sure
What will come tomorrow
Will we be clothed by the blankets of dawn
Or fed with the cream puff clouds overhead
But my worries easily float away
Down shore, up shore
With the seaweed and nothing to say

What is this feeling inside
That must be warming me
It’s a bleeding flower growing on a dogwood tree
My body is fishing like a Christian, but my mind sits like them Zen
My voice has been known
To speak hadiths every now and then
While the eightfold path is easy to see
There is only one traveler and I wish it were me
In due course of burning karma
I seek what it means to follow my dharma
My religion is the search
Without this search
The world has lost its meaning
When it is found
Everything will be no thing
Like dirt under my feet
The infinite is all around

Saw Biker quacker recently, he's still quacking and im still quacking back. im down with the quack, he wasn't on a bike this time though...
School's out till Thailand

Zen Man Walking

The zen masters are all around
They have never heard of zen
These masters are easily overlooked
-sleeping on park benches
-wandering with the wind
They are quick with their tounge
Yet quicker to do nothing but sit and enjoy the day
Zen is their way of life
Not their excuse from life
They are determined to do what comes to their head
Advice to all who heed their inappropriate inspiring utterances
To know zen is to live outside
Outside prescribed boxes and treadmills
These men do it well
Without thought to zen
They walk easily
Without even knowing
They have mastered it all

its nice outside today, my plants are growing well.

Green Carrot
The use of money seems to be just as the carrot is to the donkey, leading us on with sweat on our brow, until we reach our deathly destination. We hope for that reward, and indeed we get an insatiable piece now and then, but the whole of the carrot is never devoured. This burden is something I wish to escape, but I know not how. This carrot has been worshiped enough to the extent that it has godly powers over men, controlling who lives and who dies. There is no refuge even in my land, because it is expected that I pay for the use of my country. Where can I go that I will live in peace without being in debt for my happiness? For even a child cannot be born without owing something to a system that it does not choose to belong. I love our people, but that does not imply consent to their beliefs, or their actions.

The Mental Block in a Beverage

“The greater part of what my neighbors call good I believe in my soul to be bad, and if I repent any thing, it is very likely to be my good behavior. What demon possessed me that I behaved so well?” - Henry David Thoreau in Walden-

Just as Thoreau refused all alcoholic drinks because, so he said, they might destroy his taste for water, I say, killing germs is the only thing alcohol is good for. But yet it seems it has been adopted as this nation’s coveted and single indulgence, a reward at the end of a hard day’s work. Yet, in adults and teenagers alike, it is also a vehicle for escape from this very system we call a nation. Again, my opinion is that if an escape is needed it can be obtained simply by flipping on a mental switch which can just as easily distort perception, without the headache or drunken stupor. This is my “high”, as some may put it, all while legally and pleasantly gained. Though, I see that most do not have to courage to apply themselves directly in solving their own problems, or even to use more energy than they have to for making themselves feel good. I see it all around me, and as the quote above states the core of my feelings, it is as if I’m the odd man out. To see that it is so accepted and never questioned makes me quickly interrogate my own conscience. For there must be something wrong, with me…or as I finally concluded it must be something wrong in those whom I observe using this substance. I regretfully admit to experiencing this drunken state, some three years ago at the age of 17, and resolved to never intake it again. Is it that I have matured much quicker than my peers?, for the majority that I see pays no thought to the morality and physical implications that this voluminous intake of alcohol creates. I feel that it would tear down all the morals I hold, some do not understand this, but I am my own harsh judge and to have drink would be to go against my nature, and I say it’s against my religion, for I see them as the same. I suppose some drink out of something society labels “peer pressure” and others may drink from normality, as derived from family and friends. But very few at my age drink for the savor of taste, which in a beverage is necessary for full enjoyment. So, it is that they must drink for drunkedness - a state of drowning life and purpose, as I see it. Undoubtedly it changes personal qualities and emotions, only temporarily. Some welcome this change because they depressingly don’t like who they are, and looking for the quick and easy way out, resort to alcohol in hopes they might like who they become. This, to me, is the most painful part of humanity to know, for us to think that substances can change us positively. Rather, I hope most will realize, as I do, that any change must start in the mind, be it physical or emotional. There are no external objects which can create change on the inside. This mind is the most powerful form of “alcohol” or any substance, for it does as the will commands; as a high state of consciousness can just as easily be obtained by climbing high in a tree. This state of mind, derived from mental tribulations, easily creates a fulfilling peace and this is worth the effort – and, if the individual is willing, it can remain permanent. As I say it is merely hope that I hold for this to be understood because I do not hold myself to be one to educate or preach, or even use actions to affect life changes on others. As to my writing, I simply hope to invoke further thought in the reader, and do not expect change, for this must come about by the individual, in his or her own realizations. This is the only effective (and also highly enjoyable) way to reformation and enlightenment. So just ponder and discover where it is you want to go. Know that what we put in our bodies deeply affects our mental perceptions and can support or degrade the happiness we seek.

Dandelion Queen Running Quick Through Me

You’re not a double chocolate sin, but I know who is
No, not a sin but I know what is
Blank faces, blank hands, fueled by logs of egotism
I write my name down in the dirt
The people laugh until it makes them hurt
You see them rolling around with tears in their eyes
It makes you wonder if they’re really alive
It makes you wonder what you’re doing here
But that’s a story for another day,
That’s a story for another day

Well it just so happens I’m walking down the street
Brothers always giving me peace and love
The most I can do is give it right back
It feels so good to give it right back
I smile and greet, and give it on to the next
The Dandelion queen sees all that’s been seen
So don’t back me up when I say it’s not right
I don’t need, I always believe
The Dandelion queen is running quick through me

Bound to be something someday
Round the corner to the next
Now I don’t need any of your names
For energy represents itself
So special, indeed it is
Knowing that all the words don’t mean a thing
All our actions would be missing something
Without out a loss
There is no gain
So forget all the pleasure and go for the pain

Oh I found the double chocolate sin again
It’s just an arms reach away
But something’s there that wasn’t there before
Too many sparkles of sugar
A sweet tooth outshines its glamour
I just don’t feel tempted anymore
All this stickyness has gone away
I’m just so much cleaner than I was before
I simply enjoy sitting cross legged
On the beach, on some dirt, on any carpeted or hard wood floor.

Pressure to the Way
I look at you
With not judgment nor contempt
Ignorance is not a luxury permitted to me
With knowledge comes morals
And morals rightly confine actions
For to scale one of these internal walls
Is to raise chaos in the head
No, I can not choose this devolvement
That which my heart knows deeply
But my head wants to forget
Its not suffering or pleasure
It is living with the way in mind
Conscious activity should not be denied nor pressured.
It is this that can shake hands with a lion,
And allow life to take its course

A Goddess Took My Senses

Bear arms, bear neck
Then look upon curves
Desire, lust, love?
What have you,
Flypaper for eyes to stick upon
A flick of hair
A bat of lash
A vacuum every time
You know not what you do
What we are is what we see
Water to reflect on the surface
Or pierce deep into the unknown
Two ways in which
An open heart bleeds to insanity
Every cent of time paid
To glazing eyes over a golden goddess
Is only but sense setting off to wander
I know agony, burning alive
For I can’t renounce
Romance is a leg I can’t cut off
For to notice the beauty is not to lust
Not to obtain and defile
But to give love and feel equal on both sides
For the unsurpassed perfect nature
In which these bodies walk
Must be as miraculous
As the feet of Jesus standing on water
The feeling felt is to want nothing
But for the moment to consume all time
An exploding star needs sunglasses
To see as my eyes do see

The Oldest trick in the Book

What’s it like,
To follow blindly
Trusting in gravity
Ups and downs.
There’s no need to look
Stop and smell smiles.
Breathing becomes
Just an option,
Take or leave
This task of living.
My cup is full
But my soul is empty
These gadgets and the like
Have spun me
Swinging for a piñata
I can see just fine
It’s my mind that’s blind,
So I ask you,
Have you
Realized this too?


One in the Moment

It seems to me that it has always been lost to me, put into the fleeting future, where nothing ever comes true. Our goals, the very drive of our actions, seek some reward, something which will come soon, but not now. These actions keep us slaves, freedom is another song sung during our monotonous work we call life. What about tomorrow, for it will surly never come, and I will never be satisfied. So it has come down to sundown and it’s a duel between today and tomorrow, the odds are on today but tomorrow is its best friend. Its this dilemma that rips my chest open, imploding from the inside. However, I would rather have mere physical pain than this psychological wrecking ball, constantly tearing my thoughts from being able to sit quietly in the present. These demands, these people they don’t know what they’ve got. Its all right here, and to continue like this, to spend life avoiding death, is to just spend life…nothing more. It is never to live, except chemically and legally, because all our memories for something more that what we could ever have. All we do have, all we can have and all that we will ever have is this moment, this very breath that you take and all the tastes in your mouth and the smells in the air. The beauty you see now is all you ever need, and death is something that just happens, naturally, when we become one in the moment.

Way At Work

Lately I have seen the way at work. If you let it be, it just is, and that’s the way it is. When you give up, with nothing and no reason to resist, then everything makes perfect sense. There were things beyond my control and I tried to control them. This makes you inevitably frustrated, and left with an unaccomplished feeling. Depressing and quite powerless. But it is this that can set you free, to know that you are powerless is to be in accord and able to do what you do. The things that must get done are done, and the things that are hindered are not ready to unfold. This has led me to not know anything at all and not care about it. When it happens, it happens. When in this state of mind there is nothing to go wrong, it is all right. For if it wasn’t ready it wouldn’t have bloomed. This realization is torture to some, and they live in pain. For by willing events in their favor they do nothing but let themselves down and nothing can be gained this way. They keep umbrellas in their pockets, ready for the slightest drop of rain. This will never result in happiness. The way of things can not be swayed, it just is. When you let it be, it returns the favor. You will feel swaddled in the fabric of life, once you give up growing up everything is beautiful in what it is. Independence is an illusion; by simply knowing that you will be taken care of a huge weight is lifted, anything that happens is a sign, a truth, a testament to righteousness, there is good and it is everything. You can’t have anything but smiles when you know, absolutely know without a doubt, that you have no control over anything. If something goes the way you want it, good. If it doesn’t that’s good too. This is all beautiful when you realize that everything has its course, and if you act upon what’s right and not fight upstream, then anything that will result can only be perfectly right. This feeling is like a relaxing massage of the soul, inside is bliss and every day is a vacation.

Mama Dharma

It’s a nice day for words to explain
About all the radiation stabbing our brains
What’s in, what’s out, it’s only what the sun can boast
You can never point to the tip of your finger
Every moment things seep in, invisible things that don’t care about skin
It hurts you only when you know, but most don’t know who they are
Is it two things, mind and matter,
Is it two things, life and death,
Or just one
One that can’t think beyond your next breath.
Our dharma used to call us for supper
But we have since invented a drive though purpose
To fit neatly fold into our purse
I curse, how I curse the horns that attempt me in the night
There are few who are left with virgin necks
For most have been silently converted
Yes it is evident, with red lust on their lips
Life has gone beyond itself
Mama dharma still drinks her tea
Back at home
Steady sips, one at a time
Counting “one, one, one”
She knows.
There is nothing but that very one.

not much going on here...just alot of reading and alot of writing papers.

Few books worth mentioning
- Seeds of peace by: Sulak Sivaraksa
- This is It by: Alan Watts
- The Bhagavad Ghita (Hindu Text)

Quotes worth metnioning
"Man is unhappy because he doesn't know he's happy. Its only that. Thats all, thats all! If anyone finds out he'll become happy at once, that minute...It's all good. I discovered it all of a sudden." -Kirillov in Dostoyevsky's The Possessed-

"We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know that place for the first time." - T. S. Elliot.-

"There is nothing as strong as gentleness, and nothing as gentle as great strength." -unknown-

"Water can crash, or it can flow. Be like water, my friend." -Bruce Lee-

"Cows cry louder than cabbages" Henry D. Thoreau

Sitting Tiger, Pouncing Bloom

A bed of premature buds sit waiting.
Sprouting elegantly aside the paved ways.
Raised up and growing firm.
A passage which we all will learn.
Let it unfold like the jewel from a lotus,
Rooted in the mud yet ever above it.
A hand offering Excalibur to combat spontaneous woes,
A blooming lifesaver in hopeless waters,
Some bankrupt souls see gold to collect.
As others trail seeds of greed.
As every step I take is followed by some other,
I must complain,
Let the petals please.
Its impression is beyond organic.
Retain it so as not to obtain it.
Just one petal’s presence,
Is evidence of an underlying law.
Its purpose will touch,
If you leave it uncut.
A bloom,
In the state from which it flowered,
Is a tiger catching fish with its tail
Unexpected, yet pleasantly effective.

The Heart of it All

The moon is smiling,
And I am beating,
I’m a heart for something larger.
A part of something for the whole,
Oneness with the world.
Pumping with something beyond faith,
That my actions provide a greater cause.
Keeping in touch,
With a source, that’s it.
Yet as vast and flowing,
Diverse and concrete,
It keeps me,
As a heart for something larger.
Unified as universal,
One able muscle.
A hole in the night,
The moon is out.
I gave up trying,
At the very moment,
I saw myself smiling.

Fumes of Responsibility

So why is it so hard
To stop the spreading of carbon monoxide to our insides
For oxygen needs to come back again
Like punk rock from the eighties
While blocking fumes of junk Mercedes
Not to mention global holes adding to the kills
While prices rise in our monotonous bills
So how many thrills
Does it take to bake our last piece of cake?
We are all on death row,
It’s not fake, it’s our lives that are at stake.
So feeling a little out of breath without even a blow?
Just look at that hunk of metal
Taking up air on the side of the road, all show and no go
Do you feel cozy at night, all warm in your sack?
With all your contribution,
You’ve killed two families in Iraq.
All we think, before turning the key
Is if we forgot anything we need.
For it is a long journey, one of getting from here to there
Who ever said it’s not cool to care?

Wildly forming into a serial projection is what no one perceived. So cause it. Make it and bake it. Coming into a new way of sprouting like lilies intertwined. Crash like a lightning strip rushing into a long lost dream, awakening yet still dreaming. Tell me how it feels, oh just tell me, for I am just a messenger waiting for the call. Doing and do’s floating with winged shoes. Just wait a minute so you can see, revelation is a split second but contemplation is key. Without it, it was just another second in time, worthless one often talked about at alligator parties. Just live with it, as we do with our big toes, the answer to its being with soon be stumbled apon, or stubbed. Apples have no way to fall if they are picked, they can’t be ripe by the hand of man. Newton discovered the first law of meditation, sit long enough and thoughts will begin to feel like the hand of god on your head, a bit bruised but ever the more enjoyed. For peace is definitely a river, one with a pure mountain spring, and an eternally immanent source.

Knocking on a Hollow Head

I have a collective mold that has been festering
And so do you, but that’s not my doing
One who is faced with it, must deal with it
But it lingers like polluted air, a mischievous invisibility

Mirrors conquer the fears others have of you
Still, you fear yourself, like rain dropping on the vast ocean
And what to do with this parasite, the systematic injuries
Show it respect yet send it packing, Destination: Next Door.

A pencil and rusty farm tools, maybe.
But far better to run with weights
For when they are shed you will feel light as air
Then slowly, your ego will disappear

The only folks who can really laugh are those in your head
Lacking the track that was once bookmarked
I saved it for a while, for a materialistic savor
Oh how I chuckle, long johns, long hair

I’m not going anywhere, yet it seems…
Yes here is traveling faster than over there
Not lucky, and certainly not proper
I shed my clothes, live naked, and watch for onlookers

The truth, what of it, a fraction of reality
What books tell repeats what they sell, and that was once a tree
So who to believe but those with a contagious disorder
Yes my friend, an unmindful dis-order

The Criminal Ceiling

Now you arrested a little piece of my mind
Why don’t you just release it?
Am I a commodity to be bought and sold,
Commerce for freedom, does it show?
Uniformity, I’m talking about solidarity
I can’t go on with my heart in the past
My thoughts here and now with my feet waltzing into the future,
It can’t be done, even with an expanding consciousness.
For my fate lies in handcuffs with innocent guilt interrogating
What is the purpose of this mess, this obstruction of justice?
Keep dragging me along for information and actions I don’t possess
For the only thing that hinders is life progress
Now begging has lost courage because it too has been finger printed.
What is left, I question?
The drainage of soul into someone else’s wallet?
For talking gives rise to lies and thoughts don’t lie.
This system I am living in has been tailored for a smaller man,
I’m growing while my buttons are popping,
Seeing the light has led to me to attempt an escape from this height, but-
But what?
I haven’t even been read my rights.

Incapable of Structure

You may read these things but no one is able to write them
For the future holds no grudges, and offers no solace
To win we must go out and loose
Experience the cold to be warm
Individuals can relate, but we are not connected at the hip
As to why, no one knows
Only that some smile even when no hope is left
Bitter, concrete, immobile and inevitable
Wrinkles offer wisdom
There is so much to learn from the imperfect, that-
I have traded my chalice for:
The comfort of bear hands in a pungent stream,
The warmth of bark on an unreachable back
The peace in running rocks
And the reflection of god in my eyes
For all of these things can do no less
But to point me in one immovable direction

A new feeling

I want my eyes to listen while my ears search
My fingers to think while my brain grasps
My tongue to slice odor as my sent grinds iron
It is the tip of every mountain that pierces my veins
These blades of grass prod in torture
But I am safe because I know I have done no wrong
I am not the one who poisoned our mother
But there is always a catch, one more than twenty one
I am alone in feeling the soft touches of morbid vegetation
Rasping my little hairs that stand in attention
For death is near, as the poison still lingers in the air
This does not stop my drive for recantation
Repetition until the last is gone….look up
There is a hand in the darkness waiting to pull you up
And until I go I will frame this picture
So that every eye can feed upon it, hope my friend, hope.
This very picture tells me
I am employed for eternity
And if the light don’t disappear
I’ll be here
Reviving the faith obtained from the compost pile

I've forgotten the god of my fathers
expanded the church beyond stone and hands of man
I am not any less qualified to judge beauty
or less inspired through divine lightning.

Starboard Plank-walking

The courtship is about, with warm weather turning heads
The young hearts aren’t strapped in
While the roller coaster lashes with a force,
Past the thoughts of gravity
We need more than air to fuel our lives
And without it some prefer to die
What is this invisible force that divides a man’s will
Into two heads
Of course it is unmentionable
And embodied in the intangible
It is the crusade parallel to that of knowledge
But far more effective in changing the course of life
For, without these winds the sail has lost its drive,
While forgetting its purpose.

Plum out of luck in a bird's eye

As quickly as my brain can perceive, it is gone.
Extinguished the unavailable.
These steps don’t progress anywhere,
Where to fear, no where but here.
The cavities wrapped in skin are plugged with corks,
I’ve seen there are too many fish in the sea.
One by one, we aren’t content to be
Purchased the answers in a hard cover,
I never will understand the expenses of life.
Called for duty, called for vote,
But what is it called when my best interest can’t float
It’s almost like drowning ten feet above the ground
I pity the birds with their encompassing view.

Thus you can throw yourself flat on the ground, stretched out upon Mother Earth, with the certain conviction that you are one with her and she with you. You are as firmly established, as invulnerable as she, indeed a thousand times firmer and more invulnerable. As surely as she will engulf you tomorrow, so surely will she bring you forth anew to new striving and suffering. And not merely 'some day': now, today, every day she is bringing you forth, not once but thousands upon thousands of times, just as every day she engulfs you a thousand times over. For eternally and always there is only now, one and the same now; the present is the only thing that has no end.
-Erwin Schrodinger-

haven't kept up with the world lately, been secluded in my own world where I don't even understand the laws. Sorry, but email me for some support if you need it.

Still it is a thrill to hear the word from the streets. A undoubtedly ghetto fellow reminded me never to forget my dreams, don't let any one take them away. It seems to me that these men have everything to say when you give them a chance, and you cant help but know that no matter what they will say it you will go on pondering it for days. Whether it be ridiculous, to rude, to inspiring, or just plain incomprehensible, the words of a street walker seem to take us for ransom.

What an ugly wise crack of a town,
It's always so bitterly funny.
Well, now that you've seen me running,
I think I'll stick around.

The Forgotten Half of Humanity
There are so many questions in the world, but none as important as to the question of why, why are we here? I do not wish to address this question directly, only to fill in the parts that have felt emptied for so long. The feeling that we are all connected, in unexplainable ways. We've all have more than one experience that we can not explain. Some brush them off as coincidences, and others use them for as a landmark for faith. Some of these experiences can be labeled paranormal or psychic. It is these feelings and experiences that lead me to question whether there is more than phyical interactions at work during this human life. Such examples can be of telepathy, out of body experiences, clairvoyance (seeing the future or past), or just intuitions about people or places. There are claims by others that these exist, but in our western culture we just pass them by and pay no thought on the subject. These are passed by from thinking that they are mere coincidences or false impressions, but there are a growing number of people who are questioning our previous assumptions and proving that there is more to be looked at. The eastern religions and thought have been along this path for thousands of years, with the knowledge of ch'i, and a higher concisousness than this phyical body. It is easily believed and wide spread throughout the east, so why hasn't the majority of the west even given thought to these beliefs and examples. There is even a high number of people who would say they have had a psychic experience, so why do we go on with out investigating, we feel that such topics are a taboo in our western culture. These questions need to be addressed in order for us to evolve ourselves into a more human culture. What is it that we are missing as a culture or as a people, that we are so attached to the phyical and material world, in that we place so much on having a good job and the right car. Are these the things that are really important to our happiness and fufillment? Why are we satisfied with the spoon fed answers people give us, we don't go searching for different opinions. If I wanted to buy a car, I don't buy the one that comes to me first, because maybe that is the one that is more fallible, it wants you to believe its the best without looking at the others. I don't just buy that first one, I go out and search and see what's out there and base my decision off of that. Paranormal isn't heard or wide spread, it is not talked about on a daily basis even though it happens every day in our lives. It is just going out and learning about the things you question, and not taking one source or any one answer. Because in the west we have a way of limiting our information, the media and the social barriers can not allow new ideas or contrary ideas to be let in, because individuals will be questioning why we do the things we do in our country and why people have more power than others. So if its in our face and easily accessible, then it must be true, right?

The long night;
The Sounds of the water
Says what I think
-Zen haiku-

The Thief left it behind
the moon at the window
-Ryokan-

Over the river, the shining moon; in the pine trees, sighing wind;
All night long so tranquil - Why? and for Whom?

These are taken from "The way of Zen", by Alan W. Watts.

If all these people learned to talk we might have something to say, but while words have lost their meaning, there are those who still know that to communicate words are not necessary. To feel, is not to understand ourselves, to act is not to help ourselves, to evolve is not to gain insight for ourselves only. Wisdom is learned from unlearning. As a people we must see the benefit is furthering everyone for everyone, instead of personal gain. This of course is the “perfect” way of looking at things, but it is also the natural way. Nature is perfect, and the only thing that is real.



Concrete Clouds
The way the rain falls lets the concrete drown itself.
The trees can’t bear their designated square,
The dirt is blind, purpose cast aside.
With all these people, no one is alone,
Yet compassion is crime, and laws are Swiss cheese.

back like a downwind drift.

its time for a change, towards the truth. everything is made of me. i am a part of you, so do not be afraid to realize beyond that which is material.

"The taste of Zen and the taste of tea are the same"

A Thorned Arsenal

While misery has a weapon to use
I’m not going to launch mine today
And if roses came with a second chance
I would just grow them for another time
What about singing in the rain
It makes me cold when there’s no warm by my side
It makes me cold when there’s no feeling inside

Sleeping Seat Belt

The dark side sees,
The dreams turn to a liquid that slowly leaks out of my ear.
Burning so much that plastic actions can’t retain them.
Only alone in a burnt hallway, locked doors,
Floor made of keys with no holes to put them.
Farther away quick sand lies, maybe they’ll see me,
Maybe I’ll be recognized as different, although all the rust remains the same.
I’m climbing a hill made of mirrors,
It forces my face to fight me,
I’m struggling with my self, struggling to:
Put on piercings through the frontal lobe,
The left half keeps me on my toes as to what purpose is,
The right, of course, distracts me from reappearing in my own dreams,
Birthing triplets make me hope that I may stop the cycle.
Help me find my rain so that I can return it to the sea,
Wherever it may be, It is the slightest sight that slides me away,
Like mud down a mountain, a mountain I will never reach.
The rain continues to drown me; it has been piercing all this time.
A bed of needles to pass the time through dreams that leak as they always have done,
Now, here, fear is a way of life and eternity has stolen my alarm clock.

An Essay on the Use of a Poetic Entropy

The simplest poem can contain one word and still hold every bit of meaning equal to a dissertation of those thoughts that invented it. Such poems can impact to a greater extent because they are not confined to a lesser standard of definition, they are more open, and adaptable to any single individual they may glance upon it. I shall give them the name of entropies, as the scientific term is a collective disorder energy. Such poems can emanate any possibility, and with a single word can come millions of thoughts and questions, and more of a movement than any description of standard poetic appeal could. Such “entropies” might be questionable with its traditional romantic appeal, but these are barriers that must be broken in order to gain a higher plane of thought. Punctual input can also change the perception of such a word; For instance, “Truth” can bear any number of meanings but when a word appears with a minute punctuation, like “Truth!”, this can cause a different path to break away in thought such as that the “truth” is found or a sort of in your face mocking, in which can alter your original structure of “truth”. Furthermore, the question mark and others are endless punctuations which can similarly give an alternate perspective; “Truth?”. The daily form of an entropy poem is graffiti. Common occurrences such as “Love” help spread thought in a place where no thought was previously given. Also, I might add a entropy doesn’t have to be a single word, but a compact statement that contains more than the words themselves. I once saw: “$ this is your god”, strewn across a walkway brick. This is the simplest form of publication, words which are placed in one geographic place, yet travel with the people who read them. Anything that which goes about provoking thoughts opposed to the government issued ones, can be seen as entropy, as they seek to give disorder or a bit of thinking “outside the box”.

Blackout

Blackout,
A little wisdom in my tea.
Unexplainable thoughts climb the highest sequoia tree
I say, it’s higher than being about conceptually.
No more E’s please.
Back on the track of catching these elusive joints,
The meeting of meaning and mania.
Of course, they fly right out of my head.
It's expected, but what I dare to do
What most do not, gain back what has escaped.
I’m being depleted, though most see it as an outlet.
Can’t help eating to fill the hole,
That was once finely outlined with basic tools.
It's all to obtaining the pyramid, to get to the peak
Once the base has been set, so is the highest point one can reach.
As in all things that have a beginning, there must be an end and another beginning.
At least to my empty cup of tea, but how can it be tea if it’s emptied?
Blackout.

Welcome to December. Cold is setting in, here in Richomd. Pleantiful to go around, and we will all get our share...aww I love it.